Play-Mate of the Apes

Get your damn paws off me, you damn dirty dyke! That’s what I would have said if I was in this movie. Very disappointing for late night Skinemax – well, I would have been disappointed if I could stop laughing. Three lesbian astronauts crashland on the Planet of the Apes, during rug-munching, of course. The […]

The Matrix Reloaded

Wow. Usually, my first paragraph is much more clever than that, but I am a bit at a loss for words right now. Needless to say, I was more than adequately impressed by The Matrix Reloaded, as was most of the country this past weekend. Let’s just get the obvious question out of the way. […]

Signs

God and aliens do not mix. They don’t. If God exists as Christians perceive him, the existence of aliens is impossible within that paradigm. The creation of any other non-earthbound creature is not even hinted at in the bible, except for of course, angels – and I doubt anyone would make the case for angels […]

Red Planet

Cool, but dumb. I think I got Red Planet confused with Mission to Mars, because I was expecting it to suck way more than it did. Haven’t really been in the mood to go out to a movie lately. Not sure why, but it’s probably because the Nation as a whole is pretty fucked up […]

Dune

I have finally seen Dune in its entirety now, I can no longer use it as an excuse to opt-out on those long and sticky discussions on my forum – you know the ones, arguing about the merits of the film versus the miniseries versus the book, arguing over director’s cut versus extended cut… Blade […]

Pitch Black

Another Alien remake. Not that it’s such a bad thing. It’s pretty hard to avoid Alien comparisons, no matter what the Aliens look like, what the situation is, who the cast is. Pitch Black is one of the few films that I have seen lately that holds up to the Alien comparisons, even beyond them. […]

Galaxy Quest

Starring Sigourney Weaver’s boobs. Like April said, if Ebert gave it a thumbs up, then I don’t go see it. But somebody didn’t want to go see Next Friday, so we went and saw this instead. Actually, it was funny as hell. Tim Allen makes me want to wretch, but his ego fit the role […]