The Wisdom of Crocodiles

Before he was an Enemy at the Gates or hung out with in Italy with Matt Damon, Jude Law was just a vampire. A strange sexy vampire. This is the most understated vampire film that I have ever seen. Jude Law’s Steven Grlscz isn’t you’re average Euro Fag vampire. No, he’s a vampire with a […]

Sucker: The Vampire

When I was in 11th grade, I was in a class, either World History or Sociology – I don’t remember which, that required me to turn in Current Events, which amounted to finding a newspaper article and writing a page on it, including who, what, when, where, why – that kind of busy work bullshit. […]


I hate John Carpenter, but I love vampires, so I rent the damn thing. My hatred of John Carpenter stems from Prince of Darkness, the 2nd most rancid piece of celluoid I have ever seen. (The first is The Flintstones, the only film I have ever walked out of.) Prince of Darkness sucks on so […]


This is not Blacula. What I mean is that Blade is not about just sticking a black man in a traditionally white role to try to appeal to the black audience. Blade is about kicking some vampire ass. Blade (Wesley Snipes) is like Harker and Dracula all rolled into one. Kris Kristofferson is kinda like […]

Bram Stoker’s Dracula

Ted’s vampire adventure. Okay, there’s a little bit more to this film than that, but not much. The early nineties was a scary time. Old classics were being remade left and right and quality was not a concern. This film fell to the bottom of the heap, flattened between Branagh’s bizarre Frankenstein flick and The […]