X-Men Origins: Wolverine

I’m back, bitches…did you miss me? It’s not that I’ve been procrastinating…I really haven’t seen any new movies in the past 3 months…none, nada, zip. My DVR is chock full, but I’ve been watching TV lately…lame excuse, I know… Hugh Jackman, I totally forgive you for Van Helsing and Viva Laughlin. Come give Knobby a […]

The Incredible Hulk

How horrible must a film be to require a complete franchise reboot five years later? The answer is Ang Lee’s attempt to make an arthouse film out of Hulk in 2003. (I’ll also accept repeated attempts at The Punisher in 1989, 2004 and 2008.) Eric Bana is butt ugly and his ears bother the shit […]

Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer

Even my three year old liked the first one better than this one. Oh, he didn’t say it in so many words, but I could tell that he was bored. He was glued to the couch for the first one, but after about 30 minutes into this one he made his way to the computer […]

Spider-Man 3

So the Black Spider-Man suit is like Axe Body Spray? It puts a spring in your step, makes you irresistible to women and worst of all…gives you finger guns?!?!?! I fucking HATE finger guns. Kirsten Dunst’s voice double was ridiculous. It didn’t sound like her in the least bit. No wonder she got shit-canned. Harry […]

X-Men: The Last Stand

My poor husband had to sit through yet another comic book movie with me bugging him about the storylines and characters and how close the movie was to the comics. To his credit, I think he only told me to “shut the fuck UP” twice. Computer effects have come a long way since the first […]

Fantastic Four

I never read the comic book. I watched the Hanna Barbera Hour cartoon, but since it was pretty sucky, I can’t really compare the two. I thought it was passably entertaining, but my son LOVED it. He was perched on the edge of the couch for much of the film. During the scene where Johnny […]

Spider-Man 2

Let me get my gripes out of the way first… The title sucks. What was wrong with “The Amazing Spider-Man”? Or how about “Spider-Man Returns” or “Spider-Man Forever,” ala Batman. Even “Spider-Man II” would have been better than “Spider-Man 2.” There’s just something so trashy and Police Academy-esque about arabic numerals in film titles. Don’t […]

The Hulk

At least I know I won’t have to sit through any sequels. See, in order for Russ to take me with him to see the movie, I had to promise not to make a peep. Somehow, I bit my tongue through the whole sorry film. There was a lot of eye-rolling, to be sure, but […]

X2: X-Men United

So shoot me, I am the only person on the planet who didn’t like X2 better than the first one. Bah. Don’t get me wrong, I liked it a lot. A whole lot, a lot! It just seemed to meander so much. And it was soooooooo long. Not Lord of the Rings long, but long […]

Spider-Man

SPIDER-MAN…from the man who brought you…The Evil Dead? I found myself asking…myself…that in the theater. Can this film possibly be by the same guy who envisioned a camping trip SO horrible that a women was raped by a tree? Has the once cult Sam Raimi sold out to become big box office? Truthfully, I was […]