Black Widow

 

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Black Widow achieved an almost impossible task – this movie made me actually care what happened to a character I didn’t give a shit about before.

I didn’t hate Black Widow (or ScarJo) in previous MCU entries, I didn’t feel anything at all. She was just…there. Black Widow was a set decoration for the most part…when she wasn’t the butt of slut jokes, anyway. ScarJo’s “Swan Song” though, gave a depth to the character that wasn’t there previously. In explaining the “red in her ledger”, they made her sacrifice really hurt.

Florence Pugh was a revelation as Yelena, AKA Black Widow’s Baby Sis. I’ve been obsessed with her since Midsommar. Having a little sister myself, the dynamic between Natasha and Yelena was perfection. My little sister is ALWAYS quick to tell me when I’m being a poseur.

The hysterectomy gag was redemptive after Nat’s dramatic “I’m a monster,” in Ultron. Being uterally-challenged myself, it’s really not that big a deal, Nat.

Why was I expecting Ewan McGregor to be in this? He wasn’t.

We actually paid the $30 Disney Premier Access Fee to watch Black Widow at home on the Monday after release, but it would’ve been worth paying to see in the theater…except for all the COVID, of course. I’m looking forward to more of MCU Phase 4, even if I have to wear a mask for 2 hours to enjoy it.

Spy Kids

Why can’t every kids movie be like this? Intelligent, engaging, with just a dash of potty humor.

I really tried not to watch this movie. I needed to go take a shower, so we could go see Jason Vs. Freddy, but I sat down to smoke a cigarette and didn’t get up off the couch for another hour and a half. I had to find out what happened!

Most of the casting was very obvious. Robert Rodriguez’s regular cast members (Antonio Banderas, Danny Trejo, Cheech Marin, etc.) were all in attendance, plus a few cameos by stars of his other movies (Robert Patrick, George Clooney). I thought one of the Fooglies looked like Quentin Tarantino, but that was probably just a coincidence, since Tarantino is fugly. Carla Gugino was an interesting choice to play the Spy Mom. I can’t help but picture her as Rebecca from Son in Law in every film she’s in, but she wasn’t a bad choice. At least she didn’t try to pull off a spanish accent – that would’ve been bad. I didn’t even know that Alan Cummings was in the film – he was definitely the funniest character in the film. He wasn’t Nightcrawler good, but good nonetheless. In that purple frock coat, he would’ve made the perfect Willy Wonka. Too bad Johnny Depp has already bagged the role.

The special effects were really good. They were eye-popping at times, but didn’t take away from the story of the film. I want one of those Thumb Thumbs to come cook me breakfast.

Now I need to go borrow Spy Kids 2, so I can catch Spy Kids 3-D while it’s still in the theater.

 

Spy Game

It took everything I had to sit through this load of bullshit.

First off, Brad Pitt is only in it for 20 minutes or so. And except for the very beginning and the very end, he is only seen through flashbacks. Don’t get me wrong, I am not one of those sad girls who will watch anything, even Meet Joe Black, just because he’s in it. But I’d much rather watch him than Robert Redford’s craggily ass. Why the fuck did he get a lifetime achievement award at the Oscars this year? What the fuck has he done in the last 10-15 years, or ever, to deserve that? I admit he has been in a few entertaining films, but I chalk that up to Paul Newman or Dustin Hoffman rubbing off on him. The Horse Whisperer? PLEASE!

I’m a civilian and I thought the plot was lame. Couldn’t they think of a better way to get into the prison than shutting off the electricity BOTH times? So I asked my friend Howard, who runs War Games at the Pentagon, his opinion. “…the plot was just stupid!! How could one retiring CIA guy launch a war against China just by forging a signature??? Military operations just don’t work like that!!” Then I asked Professor Sean about it and he said he turned it off after the opening sequence. Okay, good, it’s not just me – it really was a shitty movie.