Saw II

Any film that involves the psychological torture of a member of New Kids on the Block is ACES in my book. Add to that the fact that one of the little bitches from 7th Heaven is being slowly poisoned and coughing up blood…you’ve got a horror film guaranteed to satisfy.

Saw II has the definite distinction of being one of the few horror sequels that does not suffer from a sharp decline in quality from the first one. I’d almost even say that it was better than the first one…it was clever, but didn’t feel tacked on – it was almost like a natural progression of the first film’s plot. I wish I would have seen it before the third one came out, because knowing a bit about the third one made the twist in this one obvious – but you know what? Knowing about Amanda didn’t take anything away from the film – it almost made it better.

They’re making Saw IV right now…this could go on a while, huh? Won’t they run out of gross-outs? I don’t think they could go farther than the Needle Pit.

Having just finished reviewing Elmo in Grouchland, I would love to see a Muppet version of Saw…what made me think of Muppet Saw? At Target yesterday, I came upon an abomination of a product – Elmo brand Cherry flavored Applesauce. This stuff was the brightest red looking food product I have ever seen. It was like mashed Maraschino cherries, but also the exact color of Elmo’s fur? I contemplated buying it and serving it up to my son as “Mashed Elmo.” Of course my husband was abhorred and thought that it would damage him for life, but I’m not so sure. I think he would realize that Mommy is just being silly and happily eat his Maraschino cherry flavored ElmoSauce. But what if it DID fuck him up? What if he started dismembering his Elmo doll and putting it into sadistic torture situations? What if he carved puzzle pieces out of Elmo’s hide? I didn’t buy the ElmoSauce.

 

Saw

Now that Saw III is in the theater, I figure I might as well watch the first one.

Number one reason to watch Saw – Cary Elwes. I used to have such a crush on him in Junior High/High School. He was Westley, for chrissakes! I watched Hot Shots! and Robin Hood: Men in Tights in the theater, just to see him. He was even hot in recent movies, like Shadow of the Vampire…but now his age seems to have caught up with him and he’s got that middle age bloated thing going on. I don’t care, he’s still kind of hot. At least he’s not gross like Val Kilmer.

Everything you’ve heard is true – this is one of the grossest, goriest movies to ever be released to the mainstream. I’d put it up there with Se7en for the creative, yet deeply disturbing ways that the Jigsaw Killer used to dispatch his victims. And what was up with the creepy clown puppet thing? That bastardly thing was scarier than all the saws, razor wire and broken glass in the movie.

It’s been a long time since a horror movie has caught me off-guard. Since Saw came out 2 years ago, I already knew the premise and knew how the movie would go…let me rephrase that – I *thought* I knew how the movie would go. The ending got me – I wasn’t expecting it at all. I had a little suspicion at the beginning of the film who the killer might be, but the rest of the action threw me off the scent and I was utterly surprised by who the killer really was. I’m interested to find out how they parleyed that into two more sequels. Make that three sequels – Saw IV is slated for Halloween 2007.