Leprechaun Returns

 

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A direct sequel to the first Leprechaun, would you be surprised to hear that Jennifer Aniston is nowhere to be found?

You know who WAS around from the first film? Ozzie, better known as Francis in Pee Wee’s Big Adventure. Turns out that Jennifer Aniston’s character died of cancer, so her daughter comes back to the VERY SAME HOUSE, which is now an environmentally conscious sorority house. It’s exactly 25 years later, and very bad Leprechaun things start to happen…

I was ready to be fiercely loyal to Warwick Davis’s portrayal of our Leprechaun hero, but it turns out that the new Leprechaun, played by Linden Porco, was pretty consistent with the OG Leprechaun. He was silly and brutal and full of limericks.

This one character gets stoned and yells at goats. I feel that in my bones. She also takes a Leprechaun selfie – that must be some goooood shit. And then this other guy takes a leprechaun selfie – and he wasn’t even high. What the fuck is wrong with kids today?

There were some good chuckles in this one, like when the Leprechaun finds some Crocs and gets offended. He wasn’t impressed by their Prius either.

Unlike the abominable Leprechaun: Origins, Leprechaun Returns is a throwback to the original Leprechaun films and is a worthy installment in the series. There are a few major laughs and a few truly stomach churning moments.

Leprechaun: Origins

I should’ve turned off the TV when the first thing on the screen was “WWE Studios.”

…but I didn’t. I dutifully sat there, waiting for a single redeeming moment in this film, but all I was left with were questions.

1. I thought this was supposed to be related to the original Leprechaun series? As far as I can tell, there is no connection to original seies, other than the concept of a “killer leprechaun.” I am guessing that it is intended as a complete reboot, with no mention of the original?

2. Why doesn’t the Leprechaun LOOK like a Leprechaun? If you’re going to go to the trouble of hiring a little person that is literally known for being a WWW wrestler that dresses as a Leprechaun (Hornswaggle)…why not have said little person dressed as a motherfucking Leprechaun? Instead, the Leprechaun more closely resembles a chupacabra. A naked Chupacabra. In fact, the film would have made much more sense as a chupacabra flick. Ireland and Mexico kind of look alike, huh?

3. Does the Leprechaun at least ACTLIKE a Leprechaun? NOPE. Other than snatching gold earrings (and a tongue stud), the Leprechaun portrays no other Leprechaun-like behaviour. No pot of gold, no shoe fetishist, no dirty limericks…that’s what I missed most…those crazy dirty limericks.

4. Were there any cool kills? Well, kind of…but it wasn’t even the Leprechaun who technically completed the kill…so does it even count? It was cool enough to prompt me to give the film one pity BOB, instead of the zero it deserves.

5. Will there be more films in this Leprechaun series? Although the ending left an opening for more films (The one thing I could never stomach about Ireland…all the damn leprechauns!), I cannot imagine a universe in which that would happen. This was one of the most boring pieces of shit that I’ve endured in YEARS. Bring back Warwick Davis!!! I’d love to see another Warwick Davis installment, wouldn’t you?

Leprechaun: Back 2 tha Hood

The Leprechaun is back, and boy – is he stoned!

In the sixth installment of the Leprechaun series, Warwick Davis returns as our favorite nasty leprechaun after something a bit more valuable than his Lucky Charms. This time, his gold has fallen into the hands of Emily and Lisa, two poor hoodrats struggling to make ends meet. They share it with their stoner friend Jaime and Emily’s ex-boyfriend-turned-drug-dealer, Rory. Of course, they spend the gold on bling-bling, cadillacs and a big houseparty. Only there’s an uninvited guest at the party…

…and then the leprechaun is in the back taking bong hit after bong hit – he’s stoned out of his mind. He’s actually pretty cool and mellow – at least until he spies one of his gold coins. He flies into a rage and impales his smoking buddy with the bong. I’d be a bit more impressed with the bongicide, if I hadn’t already seen it in Terror Firmer. (After watching part of the director’s commentary, I learned that Tommy Chong Bongs are proudly featured in the movie – nice product placement!) Then comes a hilarious scene of the leprechaun with the munchies – he’s digging in the fridge, eating bologna, margarine, anything he can find.

After the bongicide, the leprechaun continues his rampage, with humor interspersed here and there. Seeing the leprechaun giving a Full Shiatsu Massage to a 300 pound lady is pretty funny, but not quite as funny as when he walks on her back. Leprechaun feet look like Hobbit feet. When Rory’s hoochie gets a gold tooth made out the gold, you know it’s going to end badly. The leprechaun also gets to flirt via cell phone. “How tall are you?” “About 3’6,” he replies, “but I make up for it an other ways, if you know what I mean…” Yeah, I puked in my mouth a little.

The one thing that irritates me – but cracks me up at the same time – is the lack of continuity of “leprechaun traits” between movies. In the first one, the leprechaun is easily distracted by shoes – we even started calling my sister “The Leprechaun” because of her love of shoes. The shoe thing has yet to come up again, although the clover allergy was used in the first movie. A prison of “cold iron” was used in the second film, but that never came up again – even when the Leprechaun was shoved into a cast iron furnace in this one! And what about his amulet from the third film? Or his magical flute from the fifth film? And the dirty limericks! I miss them the most of all. Well, at least the changes require a different deus ex machina in each film, which necessitates creativity in finding new ways to kill the leprechaun.

All in all, a pretty entertaining film, as B-movies go. According to the commentary, the film was originally supposed to be a Spring Break Horror movie. (Like there aren’t enough of those already.) The producers forced the director to move it back to the ‘Hood. Maybe they felt that the black audience has been dealt a dearth of horror movies lately? Or maybe they have demographic info to back it up? Those are some studies that I would like to see…

Leprechaun 3

Viva Las Leprechaun!

This is by far the best of the Leprechaun saga. It gives new meaning to the term ‘fear and loathing in Las Vegas.’ The Leprechaun is free to walk down the streets of Las Vegas and there are so many weirdos there that no one notices him. Imagine the Leprechaun doing a killer Elvis impersonation, hips gyrating like…like…something that really gyrates.

The highlights are an exploding bitch, a naked woman that comes out of the TV and then turns into a penis-electrocuting robot and lots of dirty limmericks. Did you know that you can become a Leprechaun if you get bitten by one? Really, it’s true!