Leprechaun Returns

 

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A direct sequel to the first Leprechaun, would you be surprised to hear that Jennifer Aniston is nowhere to be found?

You know who WAS around from the first film? Ozzie, better known as Francis in Pee Wee’s Big Adventure. Turns out that Jennifer Aniston’s character died of cancer, so her daughter comes back to the VERY SAME HOUSE, which is now an environmentally conscious sorority house. It’s exactly 25 years later, and very bad Leprechaun things start to happen…

I was ready to be fiercely loyal to Warwick Davis’s portrayal of our Leprechaun hero, but it turns out that the new Leprechaun, played by Linden Porco, was pretty consistent with the OG Leprechaun. He was silly and brutal and full of limericks.

This one character gets stoned and yells at goats. I feel that in my bones. She also takes a Leprechaun selfie – that must be some goooood shit. And then this other guy takes a leprechaun selfie – and he wasn’t even high. What the fuck is wrong with kids today?

There were some good chuckles in this one, like when the Leprechaun finds some Crocs and gets offended. He wasn’t impressed by their Prius either.

Unlike the abominable Leprechaun: Origins, Leprechaun Returns is a throwback to the original Leprechaun films and is a worthy installment in the series. There are a few major laughs and a few truly stomach churning moments.

Ghostbusters (2016)

I really truly wanted to love the Ghostbusters reboot. I would have even settled for liking it…but though there were truly funny moments, the film as a whole left me cold.

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The biggest element that annoyed me was the sexual harassment gag with Kristen Wiig and Chris Hemsworth. I know it was intended to be a nod to Peter Venkman’s relentless flirting, but it just made her look gross and pathetic. Maybe they were just trying to make her look awkward, but Wiig is a good enough actress to not need help. That being said, I can see myself awkwardly sexually harassing Chris Hemsworth, but I sure as hell wouldn’t have hired his dumb ass.

The rest of it wasn’t horrible, just mediocre. I feel like maybe the studio watered down the film. Abby and Jillian were supposed to be together, right? Right? THAT would have shown more girlpower. Kate McKinnon is LEGIT the best thing about the movie. But no, America can’t handle a badass lesbian scientist. Oh well, at least we got her dancing to El DeBarge…

You know what made me REALLY happy though? The original cast cameos – they got everybody, except Harold Ramos (RIP) and Rick Moranis (retired). Even Slimer!

So as soon as the film was over, my daughter asked when the sequel is coming out. I just shook my head and explained to her that it wasn’t good enough for a sequel…I bet I can cheer her up by telling her that the sixth Sharknado movie is coming out this summer.

Spider-Man: Homecoming

So this past summer vacation, we did the Washington, DC thing. Imagine our disappointment when we found that we couldn’t go up the Washington Monument – and now we know why. Thanks, Spidey – you really screwed the pooch for our family vacation.

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My first instinct was to make all these comparisons to the Sam Raimi Spider-Man films. But why? Bringing Spider-Man into the MCU doesn’t take anything away from the previous films. MCU’s take on Spidey is totally different and concentrates more on his growing as a superhero, whereas previous films take his powers for granted and focus on growing him as teenager. There’s room for both! (For the record, I haven’t seen any of the Amazing Spider-Man films, so I have no opinions there.)

Joe Manganiello may have been a more physically threatening Flash Thompson, but holy shit, Tony Revolori hit the nail on the head with what bullies are today. My kids aren’t worried about getting beat up…the abuse is all verbal, or worse – online. Big, dumb jocks are the least of any kid’s problems right now. As matter of fact, Revolori’s Flash reminded me of one of the all-time 80s bullies – Ian in Weird Science, played by none other than Iron Man himself.

Speaking of John Hughes movies, I had a good laugh with the kids during the White Van chase scene, since I’d just had them watch Ferris Bueller. Yes, I know that cast had a marathon of John Hughes movies during filming. I love and appreciate the tone that it set for the characters.

Donald Glover cameo! Hannibal Burress cameo! Captain America cameo! Oh and I LOVE that Spidey’s computer-wife, Karen, is played by JARVIS’s real-life wife, Jennifer Connelly.

Batman, then Birdman, them Vulture…I would be remiss if I didn’t mention Michael Keaton’s fantastic performance, I was actually rooting for him a little bit. Just a little bit.

The whole family enjoyed Homecoming, even the girl. She was actually the one pushing for it…because of Zendaya. (There are a bunch of episodes of K.C. Undercover on my DVR, so I guess it makes sense.) I liked picking up Spidey and dropping him into the MCU, without all the baggage of Uncle Ben and Harry and Mary Jane (maybe). Ned is pretty badass best friend, I hope we get the keep him. Fingers crossed that Sony lets the MCU keep on borrowing characters…

Leprechaun: Origins

I should’ve turned off the TV when the first thing on the screen was “WWE Studios.”

…but I didn’t. I dutifully sat there, waiting for a single redeeming moment in this film, but all I was left with were questions.

1. I thought this was supposed to be related to the original Leprechaun series? As far as I can tell, there is no connection to original seies, other than the concept of a “killer leprechaun.” I am guessing that it is intended as a complete reboot, with no mention of the original?

2. Why doesn’t the Leprechaun LOOK like a Leprechaun? If you’re going to go to the trouble of hiring a little person that is literally known for being a WWW wrestler that dresses as a Leprechaun (Hornswaggle)…why not have said little person dressed as a motherfucking Leprechaun? Instead, the Leprechaun more closely resembles a chupacabra. A naked Chupacabra. In fact, the film would have made much more sense as a chupacabra flick. Ireland and Mexico kind of look alike, huh?

3. Does the Leprechaun at least ACTLIKE a Leprechaun? NOPE. Other than snatching gold earrings (and a tongue stud), the Leprechaun portrays no other Leprechaun-like behaviour. No pot of gold, no shoe fetishist, no dirty limericks…that’s what I missed most…those crazy dirty limericks.

4. Were there any cool kills? Well, kind of…but it wasn’t even the Leprechaun who technically completed the kill…so does it even count? It was cool enough to prompt me to give the film one pity BOB, instead of the zero it deserves.

5. Will there be more films in this Leprechaun series? Although the ending left an opening for more films (The one thing I could never stomach about Ireland…all the damn leprechauns!), I cannot imagine a universe in which that would happen. This was one of the most boring pieces of shit that I’ve endured in YEARS. Bring back Warwick Davis!!! I’d love to see another Warwick Davis installment, wouldn’t you?