Spider-Man: Far from Home

 

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Just a few weeks after opening, we lucked into a private showing one morning last week…matinee prices, too. Going to the Movie Theater is GREAT without all the people!

I wasn’t feeling patient, so I was glad there were only four previews to sit through: Midway (maybe the only WWII film that’s piqued my interest), Blinded by the Light (it just looks WEIRD), Jumanji 2 (the kids are going bananas over this one – demanding to see it as soon as it comes out), and Once Upon a Time in Hollywood (why is there a trailer for this in front of a PG-13 film – and does anyone even give a shit about Tarantino any more?)…

Far from Home was really fun – I was surprised at how much I enjoyed it, wait – didn’t I say the same thing about the first one? There were just so many laugh-out-loud moments, from the bad Whitney Houston PowerPoint, to Peter Tingle, to “I love Led Zeppelin!” I loved that the film took care to circle back to Iron Man and touch on not only the evolution of Tony, but all those around him. Never forget, Tony Stark was a dick, even up to the very end. I like that Marvel let Tony be a dick AND be redeemed – the two aren’t mutually exclusive. What more can I say that isn’t totally spoiler-y? Hmmm…not a goddamn thing. I especially don’t want to ruin the post-credits scenes, they are magnifique.

Jake Gyllenhaal, I’ve never been a big fan. I don’t hate him or anything…he just doesn’t moisten my mailslot. He was a good fit for Mysterio though, although I think Tobey Maguire would’ve been a hilarious choice for the role. It would’ve been a total stunt-cast, but so?

Like the first one, the soundtrack was really smashing. A good dose of The Ramones, plus The Specials and The Jam and some fun Euro tunes. I really gotta give it to whoever put this collection of tunes together – I put together a quick and dirty playlist on Amazon Music – thanks TuneFind!

Oh! And just like Homecoming, Far from Home dovetailed neatly into our recent NYC vacation. Our hotel, The New Yorker, was a block or so from Madison Square Garden, which my kids immediately recognized in a scene, having walked right by it days earlier. We even popped into that very same Duane Reede to buy bottled water! Why is Spider-Man following us on vacation???

Far from Home was a fitting postscript to Endgame, giving the audience a window into how the world rebounded after the unsnap, while also reminding us that not everyone loved/loves The Avengers. The post-credits scenes didn’t necessarily set up future films, as much as they set up a whole new Marvel Universe for Phase 4, with all new rules, new heroes, new villains. I’m looking forward to Phase 4…except for having to watch a whole boring ass movie about Black Widow, that is…

Avengers: Endgame

 

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I don’t even know how to write a review about Endgame that doesn’t contain at least 50 spoilers, so instead…you’ll get feelings and emotions. I know, I know – not like me at all.

We went and saw Endgame on opening weekend, which we NEVER do – but my son made a good case for avoiding spoilers – Infinity War was totally spoiled for him at school. Junior High is a fucking warzone, ya’ll. Even though we planned ahead and got tickets for Sunday, he managed to get spoiled on Friday – some assface “friend” leaked a death. I tried, son…I tried.

I checked my heartrate (via fitbit) while viewing and it was a wild ride. It just kept going up and up and up. The action just never let up. I laughed a lot more than I expected. I cried just the right amount, which is once. I won’t spoil the film by saying what, except to say it was somewhere in the middle and it was a hug and OMG, I AM CRYING JUST THINKING ABOUT IT.

Endgame was so good, it gave me a to-do list…

To do list #1 – make my son watch The Big Lebowski with me, then rewatch Endgame. Hell, maybe we should watch ALL of the Coen Brothers’ films for good measure.

The Community cameos made me SQUEAL! (Kinda spoiler-y, but I’m not perfect.) To do list #2, persuade both kids to watch Community on Amazon Prime. I’ve been bugging the boy for years to binge watch it, but he won’t do it.

To do list #3, see if my VHS copy of National Lampoon’s Senior Trip still works, so I can revisit my 1996 crush on Jeremy Renner.

Funny story real quick – right before we left to see Endgame, my husband had Fantastic 4 2 on in the background…my daughter was so fucking confused. She asked, “Since when could Captain America do that?” as Johnny Storm was torching around. That gave us a good laugh – she had no idea that Chris Evans was ever another superhero. That brings me to #4 – rewatch Not Another Teen Movie, so I can see America’s Ass™ in a whipped cream bikini.

Endgame gave everyone the ending they deserved. I mean, never before has there been a 22 (or is it 23) movie build-up like this, with expectations built up for so many character arcs. Full disclosure – it’s just 20 movies for me, haven’t watched GotG2 or AM&W yet – even so, I felt so invested in this universe – sure, James Bond has over 20 movies, but who is emotionally invested in James Bond? It’s weeks later and the family is STILL discussing it. I’m actually considering taking the kids to see it again, to pick up any goodies we may have missed the first time. I always thought there would only ever be one 5 BOB movie, but I feel compelled to change my mind and bestow the coveted 5 BOB rating upon Endgame.

Victor Crowley

 

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My husband records the weirdest movies.

At first I thought it was a typical slasher movie, but then it went all meta, a survivor writing about a massacre ten years ago and then a group of kids making a film about the events…what events?

Turns out Victor Crowley is the fourth film in a series. I’ve never even heard of the Hatchet series, but apparently, there were three of them before this one. How have I never heard of them???

Was that Jonah Ray in the cold open? IMDb says yes. Look for Felissa Rose (Angela in Sleepaway Camp!) as Andrew’s publicist. Q from Impractical Jokers also has a starring role. Tony Todd was there – blink and you’ll miss it.

Pretty funny for a slasher film. Equal opportunity when it comes to nudity – there were tits and a weener. Victor Crowley also perpetrated some of the most awesomely brutal death gags I’ve seen in a long time – like TROMA level gags. Have you ever seen a killer rip someone’s arm off, shove it up their cooter so hard, that their cell phone comes out their mouth? Me neither! Now I need to check out the first three…

Ticked-Off Trannies with Knives

I DVRed this film based on the title alone. Be warned…it could really confuse the other people in your house when they’re scrolling through the DVR, looking for their episode of The Young & The Restless…

There’s no false advertising in the title – the film really is about trannies with knives…and they’re really fucking ticked-off! The film is centered around a group of trannies (Bubbles Cliquot, Pinky La’Trimm, Emma Grashun, Rachel Slurr and Tipper Sommore – I LOVE trannie names) that perform at a Dallas club. (Filmed in my college town, I wonder if any of the scenes were filmed at Village Station – we loved that place!) After a show, three of the trannies go to a deserted warehouse to meet some dudes. Unfortunately, it’s a trap! A nasty hillbilly named Boner wants revenge for not realizing that Bubbles was a chick with a dick. Boner and his buddies, Chuey and Nacho, beat the girls and leave them for dead. Pinky and Rachel survive, but Bubbles is in a coma…Bubbles awakes from her coma with a speech impediment. The girls are mysteriously called for Kung Fu training…will Bubbles learn enough to protect herself when Boner and his buddies return?

The film is undoubtedly modeled after Quentin Tarantino’s Grindhouse style, with a little Kill Bill and Pulp Fiction thrown in for good measure. This style works with the subject manner. Tarantino is known for his prescient pop culture dialogue – and who else would you expect to be on the cutting edge of pop culture, but a bunch of catty drag queens? I’m wondering how well some of the jokes will age though. Will making fun of Facebook and Britney Spears still be funny in 20 years? Actually, they probably WILL be…

The violence is graphic, yet hilariously ridiculous. I would go from tensely sitting on the edge of my seat to laughing uncontrollably. The first beating scene was especially intense – I hadn’t been that wound up since the first episode of The Walking Dead. Good job!

I want a sequel! Really Upset Trannies with Uzis? Pissed Off Trannies with Pit Bulls? Slightly Miffed Trannies with Scimitars?