Friday the 13th Part 2

 

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So my DVR is doing this weird thing, where shows disappear and reappear at random. I had recorded this for the us to watch on the last Friday the 13th, but it had disappeared. Lily was devastated…and then – I shit you not – it reappeared on Saturday the 14th. I don’t even fucking know…sometimes I think the DVR is fucking with us on purpose.

ANYWAY…the first sequel to the most prolific horror franchise (so far) starts right where the last one left off. The first five minutes is a brief recap of how the first film ended and the PTSD that the final girl is still experiencing…and then she gets a knife in the head. Well, who could’ve done that? She beheaded Mrs. Voorhees in the first film…oh, it’s her son, Jason. He wants revenge for the death of his mom, who died seeking revenge for the death of her son…seems like a bit of circular logic, huh?

I totally forgot that Jason wore a bag on his head in this one…the hockey mask doesn’t become part of his outfit until the third film!

A few interesting kills, but fairly boring, as far as slasher flicks go. The best part is the “mommy shrine” – I hope my kids build one for me when I die!

The Parent Trap (1961)

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I normally don’t watch BYUTV, but when they’re playing The Parent Trap, then why not? I didn’t intend to drag the whole family into it, I was just trying to be annoying…but they all got sucked into it.

These children of mine were so confused at first. It’s like they’ve never had to sit and listen to dialogue in a film to figure out what’s going on.

My mom was in love with Hayley Mills and had us watch all the movies, but she especially loved Pollyanna and The Parent Trap. She even cut her hair like Hayley – that weird, split down the middle mullet. She called it…’The Rutabaga.’ I feel like she had to force us to watch it, but my kids jumped in with gusto. The girl was watching TV in the other room and just wandered in…and she stayed! She actually chose THIS instead of her current Disney Channel shows.

I absolutely do not remember all the music being by Annette Funicello…but really, who else could it be? She was like the 1960s Selena Gomez. I also didn’t remember all the spousal abuse. She punched him in the fucking eye!

Ultimately, the kids liked the movie, but they said it was “so weird.” If they think this one is weird, I need to get them into the really hard stuff…Old Yeller, Pollyana, The Shaggy DA – all that shit. It will blow their minds…

On a sidenote, the commercials on BYUTV are super weird. They’re all for other weird shows I’ve never heard of. I guess Mormons have special shows? One was for a prank show…they were hiding in high school trash cans. Huh?

Friday the 13th

There’s nothing like introducing your children to a cinema classic…yes, this Friday the 13th, I’ve started the kids on Friday the 13th…

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I haven’t decided for sure, but there’s a slim chance that they might go to some kind of camp this summer…I want them to know the consequences of their promiscuity! (Just kidding, I’ll make sure my 10 year old has a few boxes of condoms packed.) Growing up a bit poor, I didn’t have much “Camp” experience – just a single weekend at a church youth camp, the highlight of which was a dumb as kid trying to smoke pine needles. But movies like Friday the 13th and Sleepaway Camp make it look like so much fun! I’ve always had serious “Camp” envy, even though I hate going outside. So ironic!

Kevin Bacon stands alone as the single big star to come out of this film…not to mention the only guy that gets to come in the film (ba DUM dum). His later success was like a clarion call to young actors that they could star in horror films and still have a stellar career – not to mention a cool party game named after them.

Having been about 20 years or so since I’ve watched Friday the 13th intentionally, I’d forgotten that it dragsssss…even so, I’ll stand by it as revolutionizing the horror genre as a money making franchise machine. I also stand by the ending of the film as one of the wildest twists in film history – I love it!

Sleepaway Camp III: Teenage Wasteland

Would snorting Drano actually kill a person?

We all know that drinking it will – but would snorting it be just as deadly? According to the third installment of the Sleepaway Camp trilogy, snorting drain cleaner seems to be even more deadly than drinking it, as the lady who did the snorting didn’t even have time to utter “cornuts” as she slumped dead in her convertible.

Although the Drano death is only the second in the film, it’s definitely the most creative in the bunch, although the lawn mower decapitation is a close second. I have my doubts as to whether a lawn mower could decapitate one so neatly, but then again, what do I know about lawn care? Maybe that’s why my husband doesn’t want me mowing the lawn?

What the hell is Michael J. Pollard doing here? He has an Oscar nomination, for christ sake.

In my review of Sleepaway Camp II: Unhappy Campers, I made the claim that it wasn’t as good as the first or third one. What kind of crack was I smoking? The third one is way worse than the first two! I’m definitely not known for my great taste in movies now, but it must have been really bad back in High School. I remember renting this shitty movie and then bringing it to a friend’s house, just so we could watch it again. What the fuck was wrong with me?

 

Sleepaway Camp II: Unhappy Campers

A campy film about summer camp. I’ve always been strangely intrigued by summer camps films, probably because I never went.

Except for the more serious first one, the Sleepaway Camp films fall somewhere halfway between Meatballs and Friday the 13th. Plenty of killings, but they’re so ridiculous, that you can’t stop laughing. This installment gets extra points for having a different structure than most horror flicks. The viewer knows right off who the killer is – the “transgendered” Angela from the first film. (And let me just say that I was VERY disappointed that the audience did not get an eyeful of the final result of Angela’s sex change operation – what a rip!) At first, Angela kills the bad campers – those that indulge in drugs, sex and all-around loose morals. But after Angela gets fired, she decides “fuck it” and kills every last person in the camp. All of them.

Angela is played by Pamela Springsteen – yes, sister of The Boss. Weird.

I have to give extra points to one of the more creative deaths in horror movie history. Angela lures the slutty bitch, Ally, out to a deserted cabin and drowns her in an outhouse full of leeches. Seriously, Ally’s head keep popping up out of the hole and Angela keeps poking her down into the poo with a stick, telling her, “You’ve been a really shitty camper.” Ha! It doesn’t measure up to the curling iron(!) from the first film, but it’s pretty damn close.

The two peeping tom kids are named Charlie and Emilio, which I thought was a nod to the movie’s heroine, played by Renee Estevez. After looking up the movie on the IMDB, I realized that it was part of a bigger joke – every single camper is named after a star of 80s teen films. Molly, Mare, Ally, Demi, Rob, Michael, Judd – I can’t believe I missed that.

Not as good as the first or third one, but a good laugh.