Iron Man

May 19, 2012

I want to see The Avengers. I want to see it in 3D. But my husband doesn’t want to go see it until he he sees all the films leading up to it, so we’re in a mad dash to see them all while The Avengers is still in the theaters. So here we go…

I don’t know a lot about Iron Man, other than the Black Sabbath song. I asked my husband about him and he said that Iron Man is like the Hugh Hefner of Superheroes. I guess that explains why he has a stripper pole in his private jet.

Robert Downey Jr. has come a long way in the last decade…but he’s still short. Just sayin’.

Jeff Bridges should play more bad guys. Just sayin’.

Gwyneth Paltrow is still annoying. My husband said that Pepper Potts is supposed to be annoying, but I don’t think it was the character – I think it was Gwyneth. If I’ve said it once, I’ve said it a thousand time…the only time I’ve been happy to see her in a film was the last scenes of Se7en…what’s in the boooooooox?

I don’t particularly like Terrence Howard either. I didn’t have an opinion either way until I read about his ridiculous opinions about vaginal cleanliness. Not that I don’t carry wipes around with me everywhere I go, but my vagina is not the part that I’m worried about. I mean seriously, who would date this guy?

Biggest laugh in the film? Stan Lee being mistaken for Hugh Hefner.

The first thing Iron Man demands upon escaping from Afghanistan is a trip to Burger King. Awesome marketing, but if I had been held captive by terrorists for three months, I’m not so sure that Burger King would be my first choice…I’d probably ask for Taco Bell. I’d probably already have dysentery, so I wouldn’t have to worry about adding insult to injury…and I have wipes, remember?

We tried to watch Iron Man as a part of family movie night, but the kids were so bored by it that they put themselves to bed. I’m not kidding, as the credits rolled, we went to look for them and they were all bundled up in my son’s bed. I have always known that my son isn’t at all interested in superheroes, but my daughter went through that Spider-Man phase a few years ago…well, that’s all over now. A movie has to be pretty boring to drive them from the room, but I know how they feel, because that’s how I feel when they start watching The Cat in the Hat for the 345th time. I didn’t think Iron Man was boring – I thought it was pretty good. Looking forward to #2, my wipes are ready.