January 29, 1999

Fucking Cheesy! I cannot believe he went back for the videotape!

Marky Mark is the biggest schmo boy in the entire world. He is pussywipped by two girls, his coworkers make him do all the killing, then skank his money and on top of that, he gets harassing phone calls from some pimply video store geek. There is no logic in the entire film. But somehow….it is pretty entertaining. Marky Mark is totally Mr. Nice Guy, Lou Diamond Philips is all vato-ed out, Antonio Sabato Jr. is just a stud and the black guy (whoever he is?) gave up girls for masturbation. (In fact, there is a joke about it every five minutes…they will not let you forget.) The ransom call interrupts the bankrupt father as he is performing hare kari….This flick is just weird.

The end of the film was really stupid though. It was like a RoadRunner cartoon. The TransAm lands perfectly in a clump of bushes after flying off a cliff. Then they just hop down and walk away. Then they get chased through the woods by a Jaguar – the car, not the cat! The Jag knocks down trees, trying to squish Marky Mark. Don’t even make me bring up the weird dying speech about boats and dolphins by Cisco (Lou Diamond). The movie was pretty gay, but I laughed so hard I didn’t notice.


Year – 1998
Rating – R
Runtime – 91 minutes
Genre – Action
Director(s) – Kirk Wong
Writer(s) – Ben Ramsey
Actor(s) – Mark Wahlberg, Lou Diamond Phillips, Christina Applegate, Antonio Sabato Jr., Lainie Kazan
BOB Rating – Three BOBs
Favorite Quote – "You know that shit turns me off!" - Chantel (Lela Rochon), after stepping on a bag full of dead guy.