The Crocodile Hunter: Collision Course

March 7, 2004

It’s not the Crocodile Hunter’s fault that this movie sucked.

Steve Irwin was his old charismatic self. In fact, up until the final confrontation, the scenes with Steve and Terri were indiscernible from the real show – except for one notable exception, the scene in which he wrested a big rubber croc underwater. But, hey, Steve may be crazy, but he’s not stupid. The rest of the film, however, sucked big donkey balls. A croc eats part of a satellite and the CIA is after it. I would say that hilarity ensues, but it doesn’t.

The CIA Agents are mistaken for the Irwins, the Irwins mistake the CIA Agents for Poachers and the CIA mistakes the Irwins for Super Spies. The biggest error was by the makers of this film – mistaking me for someone who gives a shit about plot. I just wanted to see the Crocodile Hunter fucking with some animals.

Poor, poor Faramir – first your dad tries to set you on fire, now this. How did you end up taking pratfalls in a silly movie like this one? I know that Russell Crowe and Hugh Jackman are hoarding all the good roles for Antipodean actors, but this is ridiculous.

By far, the funniest moment of the film was when Timothy Bottoms (fresh off of That’s My Bush?) cameoed as Dubya. Wooeee, I was rolling on the floor.

Next time my husband wants to play XBOX all night, I’ll let him. He punished me by making me watch this, I know it!

Year – 2002
Rating – PG
Runtime – 90 minutes
Genre – Adventure?
Director(s) – John Stainton
Writer(s) – John Stainton, Holly Goldberg Sloan
Actor(s) – Steve Irwin, Terri Irwin, David Wenham
BOB Rating – One BOB
Favorite Quote – "Crikey!" - Steve Irwin