The Mummy: Tomb of the Dragon Emperor

May 27, 2011

There are not even any mummies in this film!

Sure, they CALL them mummies, but they’re not really mummies -they’re Terra Cotta Warriors, like the ones I saw at the HMNS a few years ago. Why the fuck do they keep calling them mummies? Since when do mummies throw flaming balls of mud? China even has real mummies! So what if they’re white people mummies?

I thought I would be annoyed by Maria Bello replacing Rachel Weisz, but it was largely irrelevant. Bello’s fake British accent was actually less grating than Weisz’s real accent.

Did Brendan Fraser use a body double for his shirtless scenes? If not…he looks like a Ken Doll – abnormally smooth and hairless.

I expected more ass-kicking from Jet Li. Total waste of Kung Fu potential.

The Yetis made me laugh…they looked like huge, white werewolves. Friendly Pack-Yetis are the new Pygmy Mummies.

Please tell me that there will be no more sequels!


Year – 2008
Rating – PG-13
Runtime – 112 minutes
Genre – No Mummies!
Director(s) – Rob Cohen
Writer(s) – Alfred Gough, Miles Millar
Actor(s) – Brendan Fraser, Jet Li, Maria Bello, Michelle Yeoh, Luke Ford
BOB Rating – One BOB
Favorite Quote – "She speaks Yeti?" - Jonathan Carnahan (John Hannah)