October 9, 2004

As a rule, the casting of Christopher Walken makes a film better. Not so, in this case. If possible, Walken makes this train-wreck of a film worse – mostly because you know that this was just another paycheck film for him. He must have had some major debts in 2003 – how else to explain his appearance here? Or in Gigli and Kangaroo Jack, for that matter?

This movie was sooo boring that I almost passed out on the couch while watching it. A total waste of time and DVR space. I’m not even sure why I recorded it in the first place. I guess I was optimistic about a “buddy film” with Stifler and The Scorpion King. Serves me right.

The most disappointing thing about this film was the fact that Seann William Scott did not make out with any dudes, breaking his longtime streak of making out with dudes in movies. *sigh* At least he and The Rock got humped by a troop of Howler Monkeys.

Oh yeah, the writer of this craptastic tale should be sued by whoever made Romancing the Stone. Huge chunks of plot were stolen directly from Romancing the Stone, including the slide into the jungle and the treasure’s location behind a waterfall. Unfortunately, Stifler and The Scorpion King don’t have a tenth of the chemistry that Michael Douglas and Kathleen Turner did.

Don’t bother wasting your time on this one – watch Romancing the Stone instead.


Year – 2003
Rating – PG-13
Runtime – 104 minutes
Genre – Action
Director(s) – Peter Berg
Writer(s) – R.J. Stewart, James Vanderbilt
Actor(s) – The Rock, Seann William Scott, Rosario Dawson, Christopher Walken, Ewen Bremner
BOB Rating – One BOB
Favorite Quote – "I hate this place! I hate penis eating minnows and I hate freaky fruit! I want to go home, I want concrete, I want home made tortellini. I want my Los Angeles Lakers. I want to go home, I want to go home, I want to go home! Get out of here Monkeys!" - Beck (The Rock)