Charlie and the Chocolate Factory

I never saw Willy Wonka & the Chocolate Factory as a child. I was a 19 year old college student – and it definitely fucked with my head. (There’s a time and place for everything, children. It’s called college.) Consequently, I’m missing all those warm and fuzzy feelings that made so many die hard fans […]

Star Wars: Episode III – The Revenge of the Sith

How does George Lucas expect me to watch this movie with a straight face, when he includes lines like, “Hold me like you did by the lake on Naboo.”? Seriously, I was almost rolling around on the theater floor laughing after that horrid, horrid line. Who talks like that? Did his involvement with Howard the […]

The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King

I can’t believe that it’s finally over. Long. So long. Three hours and 21 minutes long. That’s 201 minutes. L-O-N-G. I wonder how long the extended edition will be? Even so, I did manage to make it all the way through without having to take a potty break, as did my mother-in-law, which impressed me […]

The Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers

I can’t do it. I can’t decide which one I like better, this one or the first one. I guess I’ll save my final decision until the last one comes out this Christmas. So it’s February and we just got around to watching The Two Towers this past weekend – and from the comfort of […]

Harry Potter and the Sorceror’s Stone

The quote above has already come true – there isn’t a child alive who hasn’t heard of Harry Potter. Really, it’s no wonder that that children have fallen in love with Harry Potter. Harry Potter’s rise to fame and fortune is every child’s fantasy. It couldn’t have been written better by a child psychologist. Every […]

Star Wars: Episode II – Attack of the Clones

Light Sabre wielding Yoda kicks ass! I doubt I am ruining anything about the film by proclaiming the kickass-ness of Yoda’s fight scene. Is it possible that there is anyone left on the planet that has not seen Episode II yet? I saw it a few weeks ago – I didn’t quite make it on […]

The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen

As my best friend said, this movie should have been called “The League of Extraordinary Shittiness.” Before you get your panties in a wad – no, I haven’t read the graphic novel, so that’s not why it sucks. It sucks because…it just sucks. There’s no plot to speak of – the best I could come […]

The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring

Having never read the books, I can say with confidence that the film was pretty good. Okay, I read the Hobbit in 8th grade (didn’t everyone?), so I was really feeling that 5 second flashback that showed Bilbo finding the ring, but other than that, I had absolutely no expectations going into it. So don’t […]

Desperate Living

This is it…as of now, I have seen every single John Water film that is available to be seen…and I saved the most fucked-up for last! Divine isn’t in it – but it’s still great. Jean Hill more than fills the space vacated by Divine (literally and figuratively). David Lochary is sadly missed from this […]

Star Wars: Episode I – The Phantom Menace

Jar Jar Binks must die! In the immortal words of Dante (Clerks, not the Inferno) “Jedi was nothing but a bunch of muppets…” And the same could be said about The Phantom Menace. Given, they are CG muppets, but a muppet is still a muppet. Not that I did not love Episode One, because I […]