Drop Dead Sexy

Jason Lee + Crispin Glover + necrophilia jokes = Drop Dead Sexy.

Jason Lee should NOT be allowed to wear his “Earl” mustache in other films! It’s just too damn confusing – I kept expecting him to whip out his list.

I never thought I would see Crispin Glover as a sidekick in a buddy film after Rubin & Ed. (Ask me about the film designated as “The Funniest Film Ever Made” by the Manager of Cox Video – it’s pretty fucking funny.) He doesn’t quite shed his mantle of weirdness, thank god. I don’t think I could handle it if he all of a sudden started playing it straight.

Drop Dead Sexy owes much to the originator of “corpse on a field trip” films, Weekend at Bernie’s. (It eats me up inside, but I gotta give credit where credit is due.) I wish I could say that Drop Dead Sexy does it better – but it doesn’t. At least Weekend at Bernie’s has necrophilia going for it – for all the jokes leading up to it, Crispin never actually does the deed…


Sucker: The Vampire

When I was in 11th grade, I was in a class, either World History or Sociology – I don’t remember which, that required me to turn in Current Events, which amounted to finding a newspaper article and writing a page on it, including who, what, when, where, why – that kind of busy work bullshit. I bought a copy of the Weekly World News and did a report on an article that said that the Vampires of the world are dying of AIDS. Seriously.

In this film, Anthony is a Vampire that is dying of AIDS. He is one of those Euro-fag Vampires, so I don’t have much sympathy for him. He was being chased by Vampire Hunter, Vanessa Helsing – haha, get it? He made the mistake of biting her, she had contracted AIDS on purpose, just to give Anthony a little surprise.

That is not the main focus of the film, however. The main focus is on Anthony’s familiar, Reed. Reeds sucks. He is a necrophiliac male nurse, hired due to his ability to easily get rid of Anthony’s victims. Of course, before he gets rid of them, he dresses them up in lingerie, takes pictures with him and bones them. It doesn’t show him boning them though. Shit. Reed (Renfield?) is creepy to watch, he has this weird leer and I spent the whole time trying to figure out if he was wearing Billy Bob teeth – I don’t think he was.

This film was very boring and tedious to watch, my boyfriend fell asleep. The cinematography and lighting was very cool though. Lots of red and blue light bulbs in the vampire’s lair.

Sucker sucks, not in a good way, but there were a few moments that made me laugh.

Kissed

The first intelligent film about necrophilia.

I remember when this film came out, there was a trailer for it before The Pink Flamingos re-release. I always wanted to go see it, but it was out of the Ciné before I could get around to seeing it. But thanks to the The Independent Film Channel, I got to see it at 4:00 in the morning…

Kissed is the tender story of a young girl and her craving for corpse cock. I am not joking. She starts out with a dead parakeet….and it all goes downhill from there. Then she meets a boy, who surprisingly, is okay with her hobby, though a bit jealous. Jealous enough to do something really stupid…though I won’t ruin is for you.

Molly Parker is really good as Sandra. She is a bit creepy looking, yet you feel empathy for her and her habits. It’s a shame hasn’t been in anything more mainstream than the TV version of Titanic.

It’s a very short film – only 80 minutes long, but it is 80 minutes that will leave you wondering about the thin line between life and death – and if there is even a line at all.

 

Clerks

Stupid day jobs. Who hasn’t had their share of stupid day jobs? Clerks is the tale of a day in the life of two guys with really stupid day jobs. Dante (apt name – his job is hell) works in a Stop & Rob and Randall works in a video store. These are the two places where you are most likely to see stupid people. (Having done my time in a Blockbuster, believe me, I know.)

Smith’s skill truly lies in his ability to write realistic and cutting dialogue. In fact the bulk of the film is pure dialogue. There is a bit of physical comedy in the hockey scenes and a few others, but it’s nothing compared to the verbiage. Don’t even try to watch this film for the first time unless you’re ready to sit down and really listen to it.

Clerks also marks the first appearance of Jay and Silent Bob, the patron saints of the Blunt. (You Cocksmoker!) It’s filmed in black and white, but it just shows the drabness of everyday life when you hate your job. (Kind of like the beginning of The Wizard of Oz.)

My boyfriend said that he saw the special uncut ending of Clerks. Dante is locking up the store (which is where the normal version ends) and a robber comes up and shoots his ass and robs the store. I guess test audiences didn’t like it very much. That ending brings new meaning to the phrase “I wasn’t even supposed to be here today!”