Princess of Mars

I doubt that this is the first time that Traci Lords has sprayed someone with her piss on film. It was a cheap shot, I’m sorry Traci. After reading her autobiography, I actually kind of like her…although that’s not the main reason I subjected myself to watching her drool over Antonio Sabato Jr. while dressed […]

Sharktopus fucking tried to eat me!

Sharktopus

Sharktopus is not picky. Sharktopus will eat sharks, old boat painters, bungee jumpers, surfer dudes, Volkswagens…Sharktopus is nasty! Sharktopus just doesn’t give a fuck. Sharktopus escapes from a Navy funded super-secret genetic lab in Long Beach. Sharktopus wants a fucking vacation, so Sharktopus heads to Puerto Vallarta. Crazy, nasty ass Sharktopus wants some Mexican food. […]

Mega Piranha

I should’ve known that between The Soup and Web Soup, I’d already seen all the good parts of this film. Speaking of one the best parts, the part when the piranha ass-kicker shoots a helicopter pilot in the face with a flare gun, oh yeah while the guy is FLYING the helicopter he’s in…I managed […]

The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy

Meh. I guess I’m just not dorky enough to “get” The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy. I “get” British comedy, I don’t think that’s the problem. I like The Office, Monty Python and Ab Fab. I even laugh at Benny Hill. I think that I must have a fundamental issue with British Sci Fi. I […]

Eight Legged Freaks

Starring David Arquette, my third favorite Arquette. David is only my third favorite Arquette because he still has a penis, unlike my first favorite Arquette, Alexis. He also was not in Stigmata, Flirting with Disaster or A Nightmare On Elm Street 3: Dream Warriors like my second favorite Arquette. David gets third status based on […]

Man with the Screaming Brain

Bruce Campbell tried, bless his little heart. This film is all Bruce – he wrote it, he directed it, he starred in it. And this is the Bruciest Bruce movie that I’ve ever seen. It takes full advantage of his aptitude for physical humor. He even gets to fight himself, ala Evil Dead II and […]

The Matrix Revolutions

Every day, I get more and more evidence the American public is on CRACK. A post shared by Lara (@knobbygirl) on Nov 26, 2017 at 1:09pm PST The Matrix Revolutions was a perfectly good ending to a perfectly good trilogy. I can’t, for the life of me, understand why the movie was so roundly panned […]

Play-Mate of the Apes

Get your damn paws off me, you damn dirty dyke! That’s what I would have said if I was in this movie. Very disappointing for late night Skinemax – well, I would have been disappointed if I could stop laughing. Three lesbian astronauts crashland on the Planet of the Apes, during rug-munching, of course. The […]

The Matrix Reloaded

Wow. Usually, my first paragraph is much more clever than that, but I am a bit at a loss for words right now. Needless to say, I was more than adequately impressed by The Matrix Reloaded, as was most of the country this past weekend. Let’s just get the obvious question out of the way. […]