Ratpocalypse

  View this post on Instagram   A post shared by Lara (@knobbygirl) on Apr 7, 2019 at 11:25am PDT What kind of drug-fueled bender led to the making of this film? Casper Van Dien, late of Starship Troopers plus a hundred hack SyFy films, stars as a US Senator traveling to Russia to speak […]

Passengers

  View this post on Instagram   A post shared by Lara (@knobbygirl) on Mar 25, 2019 at 10:37am PDT Good god, this film was annoying. Even days later, I am annoyed by this film. It was just so cliche – the whole ‘I love you/conflict/I hate you/conflict/I love you again’ structure is so tiresome […]

Re-Animator

  View this post on Instagram   A post shared by Lara (@knobbygirl) on Jan 14, 2019 at 3:47pm PST Re-Animator was another film featured in Eli Roth’s History of Horror, so of course, my kids had to see it. On top of that, there’ll be a Re-Animator reunion at Texas Frightmare Weekend this year, […]

6-Headed Shark Attack

  View this post on Instagram   A post shared by Lara (@knobbygirl) on Sep 26, 2018 at 4:32pm PDT How many heads could a 6-headed shark give, if a head-giving 6-headed shark could give head? The set-up to the shark feeding frenzy is ridiculously frustrating. A bunch of couples are stranded on a desert […]

The Last Sharknado: It’s About Time

A post shared by Lara (@knobbygirl) on Aug 28, 2018 at 6:21pm PDT I don’t care what they call that damn movie, I really doubt it’s the last one. (Are you sensing a certain cynicality in me, when it comes to franchises? You’re goddamn right you are!) As the last film ended, everyone on the […]

Princess of Mars

I doubt that this is the first time that Traci Lords has sprayed someone with her piss on film. It was a cheap shot, I’m sorry Traci. After reading her autobiography, I actually kind of like her…although that’s not the main reason I subjected myself to watching her drool over Antonio Sabato Jr. while dressed […]

Sharktopus fucking tried to eat me!

Sharktopus

Sharktopus is not picky. Sharktopus will eat sharks, old boat painters, bungee jumpers, surfer dudes, Volkswagens…Sharktopus is nasty! Sharktopus just doesn’t give a fuck. Sharktopus escapes from a Navy funded super-secret genetic lab in Long Beach. Sharktopus wants a fucking vacation, so Sharktopus heads to Puerto Vallarta. Crazy, nasty ass Sharktopus wants some Mexican food. […]

Mega Piranha

I should’ve known that between The Soup and Web Soup, I’d already seen all the good parts of this film. Speaking of one the best parts, the part when the piranha ass-kicker shoots a helicopter pilot in the face with a flare gun, oh yeah while the guy is FLYING the helicopter he’s in…I managed […]

The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy

Meh. I guess I’m just not dorky enough to “get” The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy. I “get” British comedy, I don’t think that’s the problem. I like The Office, Monty Python and Ab Fab. I even laugh at Benny Hill. I think that I must have a fundamental issue with British Sci Fi. I […]

Eight Legged Freaks

Starring David Arquette, my third favorite Arquette. David is only my third favorite Arquette because he still has a penis, unlike my first favorite Arquette, Alexis. He also was not in Stigmata, Flirting with Disaster or A Nightmare On Elm Street 3: Dream Warriors like my second favorite Arquette. David gets third status based on […]