We watch shitty movies, so you don't have to…
Unless they were swinging their trouser snakes around, this movie was utterly boring. Actually, the trouser snake slinging wasn’t all that exciting either. I guess we’re old ladies now, but there used to be a time when trouser snake slinging was exciting. Back when we were 18, our moms took my BFF and I to […]
I only hesitate to crown Bad Grandpa the funniest film of 2013 because Anchorman 2 hasn’t come out yet and judging from the trailer, I’ll be sharting myself laughing. Not that I shouldn’t have worn Depends to see Bad Grandpa – it would’ve been a good idea. Better safe than sharty, I always say. (Although […]
We had a difficult decision tonight…Zombies Vs. Strippers or The Tale of the Voodoo Prostitute. I know…how on earth did we choose? Zombies Vs. Strippers is about a zombie invasion in a strip club, not to be confused with Zombie Strippers, a movie in which the strippers are actual zombies. Other than that, the films […]
I was riveted before the credits started. Fucking shit, how did I not see this when it came out? Or at least any time in the last 12 years? Now I understand the long line to see Norman Reedus and Sean Patrick Flanery at Texas Frightmare Weekend. I was pretty sure it wasn’t because of […]
77 minutes of my life that I will never get back again. That’s right, this piece of shit runs a mercifully short 77 minutes, plus 5-6 minutes of slow running credits. It’s even shorter when you account for 10 second montages of ninja swords, boobs and pom poms between each scene. Actually, those headless boob […]
They really didn’t need to do a lot to make Jenna Jameson look like a zombie, did they? Jenna Jameson stars as one of the titular stripper zombies. She becomes zombified after being attacked mid-dance by an infected soldier with a weapons grade virus. Maybe weapons grade isn’t the right term – the virus was […]
I’ve finally seen John Waters’ favorite movie. I can totally see why this film is his favorite – the cars, the sex, the violence – sure. But what about the big hair, bullet bras and lesbians? Three lesbian Go-Go Dancers (Are they called Go-Go Dancers because their patrons chant “Go, Go, Go!” at them?) run […]
In the past couple of years, I’ve reviewed many comic books movies – the great, the mediocre, the bad, the craptacular and the almost completely unwatchable. But in all of these cases, never once have I been interested enough to investigate the source material. Until Sin City, that is. Yup, I borrowed Sin City from […]