Magic Mike

Unless they were swinging their trouser snakes around, this movie was utterly boring. Actually, the trouser snake slinging wasn’t all that exciting either. I guess we’re old ladies now, but there used to be a time when trouser snake slinging was exciting. Back when we were 18, our moms took my BFF and I to […]

Bad Grandpa

I only hesitate to crown Bad Grandpa the funniest film of 2013 because Anchorman 2 hasn’t come out yet and judging from the trailer, I’ll be sharting myself laughing. Not that I shouldn’t have worn Depends to see Bad Grandpa – it would’ve been a good idea. Better safe than sharty, I always say. (Although […]

Zombies Vs. Strippers

We had a difficult decision tonight…Zombies Vs. Strippers or The Tale of the Voodoo Prostitute. I know…how on earth did we choose? Zombies Vs. Strippers is about a zombie invasion in a strip club, not to be confused with Zombie Strippers, a movie in which the strippers are actual zombies. Other than that, the films […]

The Boondock Saints

I was riveted before the credits started. Fucking shit, how did I not see this when it came out? Or at least any time in the last 12 years? Now I understand the long line to see Norman Reedus and Sean Patrick Flanery at Texas Frightmare Weekend. I was pretty sure it wasn’t because of […]

Ninja Cheerleaders

77 minutes of my life that I will never get back again. That’s right, this piece of shit runs a mercifully short 77 minutes, plus 5-6 minutes of slow running credits. It’s even shorter when you account for 10 second montages of ninja swords, boobs and pom poms between each scene. Actually, those headless boob […]

Zombie Strippers!

They really didn’t need to do a lot to make Jenna Jameson look like a zombie, did they? Jenna Jameson stars as one of the titular stripper zombies. She becomes zombified after being attacked mid-dance by an infected soldier with a weapons grade virus. Maybe weapons grade isn’t the right term – the virus was […]

Faster, Pussycat! Kill! Kill!

I’ve finally seen John Waters’ favorite movie. I can totally see why this film is his favorite – the cars, the sex, the violence – sure. But what about the big hair, bullet bras and lesbians? Three lesbian Go-Go Dancers (Are they called Go-Go Dancers because their patrons chant “Go, Go, Go!” at them?) run […]

Sin City

In the past couple of years, I’ve reviewed many comic books movies – the great, the mediocre, the bad, the craptacular and the almost completely unwatchable. But in all of these cases, never once have I been interested enough to investigate the source material. Until Sin City, that is. Yup, I borrowed Sin City from […]