Batman Begins

June 8, 2006

I like Michael Keaton and all…but Christian Bale is the BEST. BATMAN. EVER.

I’m dead serious. Bale has the whole Batman thing down. He’s got the furrowed brow, a jaw perfect for poking out of a cowl, a hard body – and best of all…a batsuit without nipples. He even had a great scary Batman voice – you’d never even know that he’s Welsh. I’ll stop gushing now. Reign of Fire. That’ll do it.

I liked Christopher Nolan’s decision to take Batman back to Tim Burton territory. Joel Schumacher effectively ruined the franchise by trying to add the camp of the 60s TV show back into the franchise. Besides, Adam West didn’t even have nipples on his batsuit, although he did have a wicked good camel toe.

Liam Neeson’s facial hair looked stupid.

I had no idea that Cillian Murphy was so pretty. His prettiness made him a damn scary Scarecrow. Why would he cover up his pretty, pretty face with that Elephant Man mask? He can blame it on ‘Jungian archetypes’ all he wants – I think the real reason that Crane chose to be a Scarecrow is that he’s a ‘friend of Dorothy.’

I’m just NOT used to seeing Gary Oldman play the good guy. It’s just freaky and weird. He’s been Sid Vicious, Dracula, Lee Harvey Oswald, Pontius Pilate, that guy with no face in Hannibal and I *think* he was a pretty bad dude in the Harry Potter movies as well. I’m leaving out a bunch of nasty roles, but you get the point. I cannot even think of a role in which Oldman is one of the good guys. Regardless, he made a good (pre) Commissioner Gordon.

I regret that I can only give Batman Begins 3 BOBs, due to the unfortunate presence of Katie Holmes. It’s not that she’s a bad actress (although she is) – she’s just utterly annoying. I wish I could blame her vacant stares and squinty countenance on $cientology, but everyone knows that Batman Begins was made before she entered into a rental agreement with the wee Mr. Cruise. I like the convention of Batman getting a new love interest in every movie, so I’m hoping that Mrs. Cruise is given the old heave ho and we get a new lady in Bruce’s life for the next movie. (Oh yes, according to the imdb they’re already planning another one.)