Hannibal Rising

The only thing more gag inducing than sitting down to watch a movie that you know includes cannibalism is seeing ‘The Weinstein Company’ as the first slide in the opening credits. That being said, Hannibal Rising is somewhat of a boring slog, although I don’t know if I would be felt the same way if […]

X-Men: Apocalypse

While I agree with Jean Grey that the third one’s always the worst, X-Men: Apocalypse isn’t a bad movie. It merely suffers in that it wasn’t as good as the first two. (I think we can all agree that Last Stand was much stinkier than Apocalypse ever dreamt of being.) Sure, it was a bit […]

X-Men: Days of Future Past

I’ve been MIA for quite a while, haven’t I? I’ve been watching movies, but most haven’t left me with anything to say. I’ve got half written reviews of the 2nd Hobbit movie and The Winter Soldier…and I couldn’t even get started on Thor 2. Well, Days of Future Past gave me a lot to think […]

Oz the Great and Powerful

So did anyone else notice that Oz the Great and Powerful basically has the same plot as Army of Darkness? No? Just me? Think about it. A man is whisked away by a cyclone/swirling vortex and transported to another time and place. The locals immediately recognize the newcomer as their prophesied Savior. At first, the […]

The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey

I’m torn by this movie. Don’t get me wrong, I liked it…but I don’t know that it absolutely HAD to be made. Let me be clear, I don’t remember much shit from reading The Hobbit. I remember Gollum and I remember big fucking spiders. I do remember that half the dwarves die, so I am […]

The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey

The hobit was a 5 star production. It was a kind of scary movie. But I loved it. I think you should go see it. Now don’t get me wrong but the hobit is 60 years before Lord of the Rings. There are 3 wizards and their names are Sayramon, Gandalf and Rajagast. There are […]

X-Men: First Class

Forget Wolverine, I totally have a crush on Magneto now. Michael Fassbender hasn’t even been on my radar until now. My movie watching has been sporadic at best – I haven’t seen 300, or even Inglorious Basterds, although I’ve had both in my DVR at times. (I lost 300 when we moved a few years […]

Underworld: Rise of the Lycans

Someone over in Hollywood must be reading my reviews, because they got rid of Selene and made a prequel all about Lucien. That being said, Rise of the Lycans was still fucking boring. I was able to paint my toenails and load the dishwasher without really missing anything. There wasn’t much of a plot; Vampire […]

X-Men Origins: Wolverine

I’m back, bitches…did you miss me? It’s not that I’ve been procrastinating…I really haven’t seen any new movies in the past 3 months…none, nada, zip. My DVR is chock full, but I’ve been watching TV lately…lame excuse, I know… Hugh Jackman, I totally forgive you for Van Helsing and Viva Laughlin. Come give Knobby a […]

Batman Begins

I like Michael Keaton and all…but Christian Bale is the BEST. BATMAN. EVER. I’m dead serious. Bale has the whole Batman thing down. He’s got the furrowed brow, a jaw perfect for poking out of a cowl, a hard body – and best of all…a batsuit without nipples. He even had a great scary Batman […]