Cornman: American Vegetable Hero

July 2, 2005

Cornman is the new Cannibal!

That’s a pretty bold statement, almost on par with saying that orange is the new pink. But there you have it, the literary equivalent of premature ejaculation. I loved Cornman.

Why Cornman, you ask? How can such a stupid movie be named as successor to the throne of Trey Parker? I mean, come on – the dude talks to CORN! Isn’t that the lamest super power ever? As the film so eloquently points out, it isn’t the dumbest super power ever – being able to predict the future through smells is the dumbest and most useless super power ever…

Another thing to love about Cornman? Somehow, the Auschwitz that is the North Texas film community (gotta thank Mike Z for the apt description of our locale) managed to spit out a film that is halfway watchable. It even won Best Comedy in the 2001 Deep Ellum Film Festival. That’s almost like winning something at Cannes or Sundance! Okay, really, it’s not. I just get all wet and excited about stuff that films in Dallas. That’s why I keep on watching Cheaters, no matter how many brain cells it kills.

I also enjoyed Cornman because the makers and I obviously share the same taste in films. First off is the obvious resemblance to The Toxic Avenger. Toxie even makes a cameo appearance in the foot soldier training sequence. Another TROMA trademark, green bromo seltzer vomit, also makes an appearance at the end of the film. A Sgt. Kabukiman poster can be spied in one scene, as well as one for Meet the Feebles. And maybe, just maybe Cornman’s girlfriend is named Sheila for a reason?

How did I come across Cornman in the first place? My husband found a DVD set called “Rural Folk” at Half Price Books and of course, he thought of me – although, I’m still not sure if it was because he knew I would enjoy the films or because I qualify as rural folk.


Year – 2001
Rating –
Runtime – 70 minutes
Genre – Superhero Spoof
Director(s) – Barak Epstein
Writer(s) – Barak Epstein
Actor(s) – Mike Wiebe, Adam Lockhart, James Hoke, Noe Garcia, Daniel Villarreal
BOB Rating – Three BOBs
Favorite Quote – "That's the stupidest super power I've ever heard." - Dr. Hoe (Mike Wiebe)