Employee of the Month

About midway through my recent maternity leave, I had watched so many films that required my full attention that I just started DVRing things that didn’t require a full set of brain cells (or a full night of sleep) to digest. Employee of the Month was one of them.

I bet you’re asking yourself why in the world I would sit through a film starring three individuals I cannot fucking stand. Dax Shepard hate here and here, Jessica Simpson hate here and although it’s not documented on my site, Dane Cook seems to be a big fucking douchebag, too. Truthfully, I don’t know why either. Probably the same reason that I watch CSI: Miami, even though I fucking hate Horatio and his sunglasses of doom. Or why I watch Celebracadabra even though I fucking hate magicians with the heat of a thousand suns. Hate fuels my creative juices – fuck yeah!

As romantic gross-out comedies go, this one is cut from the same mold as all the rest of them. Slacker (Dane Cook) and Mr. Smooth (Dax Shepard) fight over the new girl (Jessica Simpson). There’s not an original moment in the whole film. This is a rehash of every 90s Adam Sandler or Ben Stiller romantic comedy. I don’t have to tell you how it ends – Dane Cook wins Jessica Simpson’s heart and moves on to star in a romantic comedy with Jessica Alba. I hear he’s got one with Kate Hudson coming up next – who decided he is the type of guy that girls want to see in a chick flick? The fuck?

I can’t remember anything specific about the film that funny, except for the Store Manager brothers named Glenn Gary and Glenn Ross. I think I laughed at Harland Williams once. I might have laughed at Jessica Simpson’s big fucking ears, I don’t remember.

Boring and long.