Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom

July 13, 2018

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Well, it’s official…the Jurassic Park movies have gone full Sharknado. (No spoilers, but once you see the film, you’ll get what I mean.)

There was plenty of action and there were plenty of dinosaurs, but the plot clicked together so predictably that it took a lot of the fun out of the proceedings. There were elements of the plot that were frankly unbelievable – like Claire dumping Owen because she didn’t want to live in a van down by the river. (I feel you Claire, I fucking HATE camping.)

The film also didn’t have enough Jeff Goldblum. Why tease me like that? Every time, every day and in every way, I would pick Jeff Goldblum over Chris Pratt. Even old Jeff Goldblum.

It is always a treat to see Ted Levine in a film – tucked or untucked. He is so delightfully unhinged. So…is it creepier to keep fat girls in a pit in your basement? Or to have a pocket full of extracted dinosaur teeth?

Oh, and the trailers in front of the film were…odd. I’ve never even heard of Welcome to Marwen, but it looks amazingly weird. Oh! And yet another remake of The Grinch, but this time with Benedryl Cucumberpatch. Shit…I swear there was another one, but I’ll be damned if I can remember it. I asked my son, my daughter, my husband – no one can remember what the third trailer was.

Ultimately, I kinda wish that I had spent my $38 on Ant Man and the Wasp instead. Oh well.

Year – 2018
Rating – PG-13
Runtime – 128 minutes
Genre – Dinosaurs!
Director(s) – J.A. Bayona
Writer(s) – Derek Connolly, Colin Trevorrow, Michael Crichton
Actor(s) – Chris Pratt, Bryce Dallas Howard, Rafe Spall, Ted Levine, Jeff Goldblum
BOB Rating – Two BOBs
Favorite Quote – "These creatures were here before us. And if we're not careful... they're going to be here after. Life cannot be contained. Life breaks free. Life... finds a way." - Ian Malcolm (Jeff Goldblum)