Poolboy: Drowning Out the Fury

June 7, 2012

Holy. Fucking. Shit.

Honestly, that should be the entire body of my review, but after such a lazy review of Æon Flux, I figured I should work a little harder…although it’s not like I get paid by the word to entertain my readers. Or get paid AT ALL for that matter…besides, it’s going to take a lot of persuading to get the average person to make it past the opening credits of Poolboy. It’s not so much the credits that may drive folks away, as Steel Panther’s theme song, Donkey Freedom. I’ve said too much already – I don’t want to ruin it.

Poolboy: Drowning Out the Fury is either a homage to or satire of cheesy 80s action flicks…or maybe a little of both. Set up as a film made in 1990, but deemed too offensive to release, Kevin Sorbo stars as Bando the Poolboy. Bando returns from the Vietnam War to find that his wife has shacked up with a Mexican poolboy. The way Bando sees it, not only have Mexicans taken all the pool boy jobs, they’ve taken all the women, too. Bando then goes on a Rambo-esque rampage to kill as many Mexicans as he can…it’s easy to see how this film gets offensive pretty quickly.

As ridiculously funny as the plot is, I found myself laughing more at the fake narrator cut scenes by the “director” Saint James St. James (pronounced Saint James Street James). The eye-patched St. James provides trivia about the making of Poolboy and offers deleted scenes. Most of the deleted scenes involve extra nudity…male full frontal nudity. Don’t say I didn’t warn you.

Machete ironically stars as the leader of the Mexicans, but I was more amused by Robert LaSardo’s brief cameo. You may know him as Horatio’s nemesis on CSI: Miami, but I will always remember him as Escobar on Nip/Tuck. He is one scary motherfucker. Hanging with Mr. Cooper also has a cameo, as well as Jan Brady. Not THE Jan Brady, but the remake Jan Brady. Oh, and Jay is in it! No Silent Bob though…

I’ve got to thank my friend, Ric, without whom Poolboy would’ve never crossed my radar. I forced my husband to watch it based on his recommendation alone. Likewise, I’m sure that Ric thanks me for introducing him to the magic that is Black Devil Doll. You’re welcome.

Year – 2011
Rating – R
Runtime – minutes
Genre – Holy. Fucking. Shit.
Director(s) – Garrett Brawith
Writer(s) – Ross Patterson
Actor(s) – Kevin Sorbo, Ross Patterson, Danny Trejo, Jason Mewes, Robert LaSardo
BOB Rating – Three BOBs
Favorite Quote – "My ancestors didn't sneak into this country so that wives could clean their own pools!" - Caesar (Danny Trejo)