Jersey Shore Shark Attack

Who hasn’t fantasized about the entire cast of The Jersey Shore being eaten by sharks? I know I have. I have never seen a single episode of The Jersey Shore – I watch the Soup, so I get the highlights. Except for the Kardashians, I can’t think of a more deserving group of douchebags to […]

Poolboy: Drowning Out the Fury

Holy. Fucking. Shit. Honestly, that should be the entire body of my review, but after such a lazy review of ├ćon Flux, I figured I should work a little harder…although it’s not like I get paid by the word to entertain my readers. Or get paid AT ALL for that matter…besides, it’s going to take […]

Stan Helsing

Jason, Freddy, Pinhead, Chucky, Leatherface and Michael in a movie together? It’s like a horror fan’s wet dream, right? Not so fast…it’s not really Jason, his name is Mason. And that’s not Freddy, it’s Fweddy…and why is he wearing Flavor Flav’s clock? Is that a yarmulke on Michael Myers head? And why is Pleatherface (not […]

Death to the Supermodels

While I appreciate the idea of supermodels having toxic booty gas, nappy underarm hair and hidden penises, it’s just not enough to base a movie on. The world’s five top supermodels travel to a remote tropical island for a photo shoot, where they get picked off by a serial killer. Is it the annoyingly perky […]

Date Movie

This movie was not made for me. It’s not that I don’t like spoofs or parodies – normally I do. It’s just that it’s hard to enjoy a parody of films you know nothing about. I know jackshit about chick flicks and rom coms. I intentionally avoid films starring Julia Roberts, Sandra Bullock or Renee […]

Totally Awesome

VH1 finally ran of material for their I Love the 80s series, so they threw up their hands in defeat and made a movie instead. The most 80s thing about this ‘teen’ movie is the fact that there are no teens in it. The youngest one is 23 – how authentic. Tracy Morgan is damn […]

Student Bodies

Before Scary Movie, there was Student Bodies. I certainly don’t mean to imply that Student Bodies invented the horror spoof – or even perfected it…both honors that belong to Mel Brooks. But it definitely holds a special place in my heart – because it’s just SO FUCKING GOOFY. The rubber chicken? The horsehead bookends? The […]

The Pirate Movie

I brought the newly released DVD with me on my most recent trip home. My sister and i asked my mother if she wanted to watch The Pirate Movie with us. “The one with Johnny Depp?” “No, The Pirate Movie.” “The one with Kristy McNichol? Ohhhh….”, she replied, almost crestfallen. Well, who doesn’t prefer Johnny […]

Club Dread

If it weren’t for Super Troopers – then I wouldn’t be forced to start every single paragraph of this review with “If it weren’t for Super Troopers…” If it weren’t for Super Troopers – Club Dread might have had a chance to actually stand on its own as a funny film. It certainly had funny […]

Play-Mate of the Apes

Get your damn paws off me, you damn dirty dyke! That’s what I would have said if I was in this movie. Very disappointing for late night Skinemax – well, I would have been disappointed if I could stop laughing. Three lesbian astronauts crashland on the Planet of the Apes, during rug-munching, of course. The […]