The Road Warrior

June 1, 2006

Hooray for assless chaps!

Of course I know that by definition, ALL chaps are assless – it’s just more fun to be redundant and point out that indeed, these chaps are assless. Really, everyone should own a pair of assless chaps like Wez. Wez was the best character in the whole movie. I was really disappointed that he didn’t win in the end. He was definitely more likable than Mad Max and he also had motivation. That Feral Kid killed his hot blond boyfriend! What motivation did Max have? So his family was killed – and he got vengeance! He doesn’t need to take it out on poor Wez.

Wez totally reminded me of Beastie from G.L.O.W. – the Gorgeous Ladies of Wrestling. If you don’t know about G.L.O.W. – your life is sadly lacking. Having watched Weird Science about 350 times growing up, I was also familiar with Gary and Wyatt’s confrontation with Wez and crew. I was totally expecting that lumpy headed bald dude to be in the Road Warrior, too. I was so disappointed to find that he wan’t a part of the crew. Oh well, there’s always Smoking in the Boy’s Room – the lamest Motley Crue video ever.

Lord Humungus was played by one of the pirates from The Pirate Movie. I would recognize those delts anywhere. He was one of the gay pirates. (That doesn’t narrow it down, does it?)

I have one bizarre inconsistency that’s been bugging me about this movie. It was filmed IN Australia, right? And it’s about apocalyptic Australia, right? Then why are many – even most – of the characters outfitted in American Football gear? Almost all of the armor worn is obviously modified football shoulder pads. Where the fuck would they get those in Australia? I know that everywhere but the US, Soccer is called Football. I understand that “Australian Rules Football” is like Rugby. I even understand that there may be some Gridiron AKA American Football in Australia. However, the first official gridiron team was not even formed until 1983 – two years after The Road Warrior. I am guessing that the makers of The Road Warrior were predicting that Gridiron Football would become wildly popular in the years to come? Popular enough to outfit most of the members of two rival apocalyptic societies in shoulder pads! That is a more insightful prediction than Nostradamus ever dreamt of. I hope they put it to use and made good money speculating on the Australian Gridiron Football equipment market.

I was going to wait until I had seen Mad Max to watch The Road Warrior, but my husband assured me that Mad Max was a horrible piece of crap movie and that I didn’t need to watch it. I have my suspicions about Mad Max Beyond Thunderdome as well. “We Don’t Need Another Hero” – indeed. The Road Warrior was entertaining enough – I can see why so many guys hail it as a classic – but come on…it’s not Blade Runner.