There’s Something About Mary

November 18, 1998

I have not seen Dumb and Dumber, nor do I plan on it anytime in the future. Even my mother told me I should see it, but Jim Carrey is like someone running their fingernails down a chalkboard. She also is the one who said I should see Kingpin. Woody Harrelson is pretty hot, so I watched it and I couldn’t believe how funny it was. So…when There’s Something About Mary came out, I thought, “Hey…Ben Stiller, Chris Elliot…it could be funny…” Little did I know just how funny…

Yes, all the hype IS true. This is one of the funniest films that I have seen on the big screen this year (it’s probably second next to BASEketball). Why is it funny? Because it is gross. It makes Porky’s look like Clambake. There are jokes for everyone. Testicle pain jokes…YES! Semen in hair jokes…YES! Retard jokes…YES! There is something to offend everyone.

Forever the straight man, Ben Stiller is still obsessed with his high school prom date, ten years after the fact. Sounds pretty lame, doesn’t it? In fact, every guy in this film is obsessed with Mary. Why? I don’t know either, but it’s fucking hilarious. I have had a certain amount of respect for Cameron Diaz after seeing her in A Life Less Ordinary and Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas. I would pick her over Julia Roberts any day of the week, but shit, she’s not exactly ‘all that.’

Look for Brett Favre (last seen in a sauna with Mr. Hat and some ranch dressing) as one of Mary’s paramours. It’s so cute to see him trying not to move his eyes while reading the cue cards…then again, how would I know? I just looked at his ass the whole time. (Okay, I admit it, I would pick Ben Stiller over Brett Favre, too. Ass isn’t everything.)