Sharknado 4: The 4th Awakens

Why did Sharknado 4 have to open with a Star Wars-esque opening crawl? Was it because they gave Tara Reid a Light Saber hand? First there was a shark sandnado in Vegas, then a shark bouldernado in the Grand Canyon, followed by a shark oilnado/firenado in Texas. A shark lightningnado heads toward Kansas. Cue Wizard […]

Dam Sharks

That’s not a typo folks…those damn sharks are building dams…out of damn human bodies. I don’t even understand…how did sharks get into the river? How do they survive is freshwater – don’t sharks live in the ocean? Why are they building a dam out of corpses? I should know by now…the answers do not matter. […]

Zoombies

Exactly what you fucking think it is. Zombie. Zoo. Animals. Thanks to The Asylum, for going where no film has gone before. It starts when the capuchin monkeys come down with a nasty virus, turn into zomb-onkeys and go beserk. Of course, they escape and start zombifying the rest of the zoo population. Zombie giraffes […]

Lake Placid vs. Anaconda

Alien vs. Predator. Freddy vs. Jason. Batman v Superman. Hollywood loves franchise mash-ups, although not quite as much as the SyFy channel – Mega Python vs. Gatoroid, for example. And now SyFy brings us Lake Placid vs. Anaconda. Yancy Butler is back from so-called Final Chapter – I knew they were full of shit. Now […]

Mega Shark vs. Giant Octopus

Maybe I’m too snobby, but I wasn’t able to get into the movie because I was too distracted by the lack of continuity. In the opening submarine scene, Debbie Gibson’s fingernails are clearly bare…but in closeups of “her hands” operating the controls – the nails are black. Disgusting! The Mega Shark is identified as an […]

Sharknado 2 : The Second One

I watched Sharknado 2 several weeks ago and as excited as I was to sit down and watch it – after watching it, it was hard to muster enough excitement to write about it. All of the joy has been sucked out of writing about crappy SyFy movies now that they have become a mainstream […]

Ragin Cajun Redneck Gators

In the world of SyFy Movies, it is often the title alone that sells a film. Not only does the title have to be catchy or alliterative, but it also must tell the viewer what the film is about. How disappointing would it be if Sharknado wasn’t about a tornado full of sharks? No worries […]

Sharknado

So now the rest of the planet knows what Joel McHale and I have known all along…SyFy movies are the shit! Oops, that was a typo – I meant to say, “are shit!” Yes, social media was buzzing in the weeks leading up to the premier of SyFy‘s latest entry in the improbable animal/natural disaster […]

Lake Placid: The Final Chapter

Sure…they say it’s the final chapter, but I don’t believe them for a fucking second. How many Friday the 13th movies were made after the fourth and Final Chapter? (SEVEN…or eight if you count the recent reboot.) How many Puppet Master movies have been released after the supposed fifth and Final Chapter? (Six!) Even the […]

Jersey Shore Shark Attack

Who hasn’t fantasized about the entire cast of The Jersey Shore being eaten by sharks? I know I have. I have never seen a single episode of The Jersey Shore – I watch the Soup, so I get the highlights. Except for the Kardashians, I can’t think of a more deserving group of douchebags to […]