Percy Jackson & the Olympians: The Lightning Thief

Isn’t it sad that I enjoyed Percy Jackson more than Clash of the Titans? Yeah, Percy Jackson was a silly, glossy film for kids, while Clash was a serious action/adventure film, but at least Percy Jackson wasn’t completely joyless. Sam Worthington didn’t look like he was enjoying his epic adventure AT ALL, while Logan Lerman […]

Horton Hears a Who!

September 22nd was Elephant Appreciation Day, so we started watching Horton Hears A Who! Anyone who knows my daughter, knows about ELEPHANT. Since she was less than a year old, she has dragged around this ratty little stuffed elephant. It used to be light green, but now it’s kinda grey. Her obsession with this stuffed […]

The Golden Compass

You’d think I would be standing in line to see a movie that supposedly promotes atheism in children and is condemned by the Catholic Church. The problem with the Golden Compass is that it tries so hard to not piss anyone off and be a family film that it totally misses the point of the […]

Fast Food Nation

Fucking horrifying. From beginning to end, Fast Food Nation shows different facets of the fast food industry, each more fucking horrifying than the last. From the boardrooms in which the food is invented, to the slaughterhouses filled with illegal aliens, to the actual restaurants filled with apathetic high school students – all scenes intended to […]

Willy Wonka & the Chocolate Factory

Sick of watching Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, I finally introduced my son to the psychedelic 70s version starring Gene Wilder and a bunch of green and orange midgets. Needless to say, he was less than impressed. He actually paid attention during the beginning of the film, which to me is the most boring part. […]

Lemony Snicket’s A Series of Unfortunate Events

I’m well aware that it’s not Jim Carrey’s life’s ambition to put in a performance that makes knobbygirl happy, but really – shouldn’t it be? Shouldn’t he WANT to make me happy? Jim Carrey strikes out again as Count Olaf, the diabolical nemesis and cause of the unfortunate events that continually befall the Baudelaire orphans. […]

The Black Dahlia

Wretched. I was tempted to let that one word serve as the entire review – but I could hardly do that to my adoring public, now could I? I’ve got to fill you in with every boring moment and clichéd nuance that Brian De Palma has served to us on a film noir platter. The […]

The Little Girl Who Lives Down the Lane

I can think of few things worse than getting molestered by Martin Sheen. Apparently, Jodie Foster feels the same way, as she spends the entirety of the film trying to dodge his attentions. Jodie plays Rynn Jacobs, a 13 year old girl whose father is always in his study “working.” As people become curious about […]

The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy

Meh. I guess I’m just not dorky enough to “get” The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy. I “get” British comedy, I don’t think that’s the problem. I like The Office, Monty Python and Ab Fab. I even laugh at Benny Hill. I think that I must have a fundamental issue with British Sci Fi. I […]

Charlie and the Chocolate Factory

I never saw Willy Wonka & the Chocolate Factory as a child. I was a 19 year old college student – and it definitely fucked with my head. (There’s a time and place for everything, children. It’s called college.) Consequently, I’m missing all those warm and fuzzy feelings that made so many die hard fans […]