January 3, 2007
I’m well aware that it’s not Jim Carrey’s life’s ambition to put in a performance that makes knobbygirl happy, but really – shouldn’t it be? Shouldn’t he WANT to make me happy?
Jim Carrey strikes out again as Count Olaf, the diabolical nemesis and cause of the unfortunate events that continually befall the Baudelaire orphans. He prances around, recycling the same old sneers and stances from his usual stable of characters – all he knows are Fire Marshal Bill, The Mask and Ace Ventura, over and over and over again. Isn’t he at the point in his career where he should take a role as a retard in order to garner an Oscar nomination?
The wealthy Baudelaire children become orphans when their parents perish in a freak mansion fire. They are shuttled around from guardian to guardian, as the parents hadn’t the foresight to leave proper documentation. These glamorous and gothic orphans become the charges of Count Olaf, a possible pedophile that deeply desires their fortune. What’s the deal with orphans these days? It’s like orphans are the new princesses. All this orphan worship has got to stop. How long until youngsters start murdering their parents to become more like the magical orphans they see in so many books and films? Worse yet, what if kids start murdering their parents in order to become eligible for celebrity adoptions? EEK!
Emily Browning is one of the most stunningly beautiful children I have ever seen. She has a soft Molly Ringwald-like quality. I wonder how long it will be until she is posing half naked in Maxim?
Who is Lemony Snicket? Why is he narrating the story? What connection does he have with the Baudelaires? Is he a pedophile, too? And what’s the deal with Jude Law? Who are these people that think he’s attractive and talented? How does he keep getting film work? Is it his exasperatingly nasty personal life?
Obviously, this film raised more questions than it answered. Watch at your own risk?
Rating – PG
Runtime – 108 minutes
Genre – Children's Book Adaptation
Director(s) – Brad Silberling
Writer(s) – Daniel Handler, Robert Gordon
Actor(s) – Jim Carrey, Liam Aiken, Emily Browning, Billy Connolly, Meryl Streep
BOB Rating – Two BOBs
Favorite Quote – "You know, they used to call me Old McDonald up at the milking lab. I used to milk these things all day long. But the little udders - they're hard to locate." - Count Olaf (Jim Carrey)