Tooth Fairy

As a parent, I must do unpleasant things from time to time…wipe snotty noses and dirty asses, clean up puke, remove pieces of French Toast from my daughter’s nose…and watch Disney movies. As nice as The Rock is to look at, it wasn’t enough to distract me from the ridiculous message of this film. The […]

Enchanted

If I was 5 or 6 years old, Enchanted would have been one of my favorite movies, right up there with The Wizard of Oz and Annie. It shocks you, doesn’t it? It shocks me, for fuck’s sake. I conscientiously try to avoid letting my kids watch the Disney Channel…more for my sanity, than for […]

Beverly Hills Chihuahua

Oh Disney…I should have known better… Drew Barrymore’s annoying lisp stars as Chloe, a spoiled chihuahua living in Beverly Hills. The standard Disney plot calls for Chloe to get lost in a foreign country (Mexico), make friends with a local that’s totally opposite (a German Shepard named Delgado, voiced by Andy Garcia), while her family […]

Aladdin

3 years old is a very important age. 3 years old is the earliest at which a child can actually be expected to sit down and watch a film, from beginning to end. That being said, even though my son just turned three, he doesn’t yet seem inclined to sit down an watch an entire […]

The Love Bug

Bruce Campbell + old Disney movie from the 60s = what the fuck? I can’t think of a lot to say – good or bad – about Bruce’s follow-up to the Love Bug series. It was a formulaic, “25 years later” type of sequel that Disney is so fond of. Fate brings Bruce and Herbie […]

Lilo & Stitch

That blue thing is EVIL. Pure, unadulterated evil. I went to see Episode II a couple of weeks ago, and as I was walking down the hallway of the lobby, I swear that little bastard tried to jump out of the poster and get me. All sweet and innocent as you walk by, but then […]