June 26, 2002

That blue thing is EVIL.

Pure, unadulterated evil. I went to see Episode II a couple of weeks ago, and as I was walking down the hallway of the lobby, I swear that little bastard tried to jump out of the poster and get me. All sweet and innocent as you walk by, but then just as you pass…HOLY SHIT…here come the claws!

At first look, it may seem as if Disney has gone off the deep end. Elvis, surfing, Hawaii and aliens – which one of these things is not like the other? But after you watch it, you realize that Disney is finally going back to it’s roots. Not only is Lilo & Stitch nothing like the last decade or so of Disney crap (the last Disney cartoon I saw in the theater was Aladdin!) – it’s actually an original story. I can’t remember the last time Disney animated an original story! (The Lion King, maybe – was it original? Don’t know, don’t care.) Also gone is most of the adult humor found in the last several Disney toons. I love Robin Williams’ genie just as much as the next guy, but Disney proved they can still captivate young and old alike without resorting to Woody Allen impressions.

Not only was the story original, but the animation was beautiful to boot. I couldn’t detect a kilobyte of computer animation – if it was there, it was well hidden. The watercolor backgrounds were unique, although they started to remind me of touristy hawaiian shirt by the end. I read somewhere that Dumbo was the last Disney film to use watercolor backgrounds…

Of course, I am NOT an Elvis fan, but I have to admit he’s growing on me. I am still not sure why Elvis was picked as Lilo’s favorite singer…but really, who else could it have been? No one wants to see a NSYNC alien. Now all I have to do is convince Russ to let me hire a midget Elvis impersonator for the wedding.

Last Friday, before seeing the movie on Monday, I got a Happy Meal…yes, just to get a Stitch toy…I was disappointed to get what appeared to be a Marcellus Wallace action figure. No shit. “I’m prepared to scour the the Earth for that motherfucker. If Stitch goes to Indochina, I want a nigger waiting in a bowl of rice ready to pop a cap in his ass.” Turns out it was ‘Cobra Bubbles’ – the child welfare guy…voiced by Ving Rhames…I could tell he wanted to get medeival on Stitch’s ass!

I should add an extra star to the rating for including one of the Kids in the Hall…but I promised that The Wizard of Oz would be the only five star film. I’ll let you guess which Kid it is.

For the record, that little blue thing is still evil. EVIL!


Year – 2002
Rating – PG
Runtime – 85 minutes
Genre – Disney
Director(s) – Dean DeBlois, Chris Sanders
Writer(s) – Chris Sanders
Actor(s) – Daveigh Chase, Chris Sanders, Tia Carrere, Ving Rhames, Kevin McDonald
BOB Rating – Four BOBs
Favorite Quote – "It's okay - my dog found the chainsaw!" - Lilo