May 5, 2011

As a parent, I must do unpleasant things from time to time…wipe snotty noses and dirty asses, clean up puke, remove pieces of French Toast from my daughter’s nose…and watch Disney movies.

As nice as The Rock is to look at, it wasn’t enough to distract me from the ridiculous message of this film. The Tooth Fairy servitude plot was secondary to the overarching suggestion that adults should tell children that they’re AWESOME constantly or their little lives will be meaningless and full of despair. What kind of fucked up bullshit is that? I am all about encouraging children towards greatness, but at what point does it become harmful? We AREN’T all beautiful unique snowflakes – shielding children from all disappointment may well turn them into little Lohans and van der Sloots. Excessive examples to be sure, but true examples of individuals that have inflated self worth due to never having been told “NO.” Or maybe I am a horrible person…could be either one.

I’m gonna be fucked when my kids start losing teeth…The Rock was giving those little shits wads of cash! Fuck you very much, Disney!

Billy Crystal was like a consolation prize, after suffering through Ashley Judd and her whiny crotchfruit. Stephen Merchant couldn’t take the pain away either.

Is it bad that I got aroused when The Rock was dressed in the pink Tooth Fairy dress? I am a BAD, horrible person, for sure…


Year – 2010
Rating – PG
Runtime – 101 minutes
Genre – Disney Shit
Director(s) – Michael Lembeck
Writer(s) – Lowell Ganz, Babaloo Mandel
Actor(s) – Dwayne 'The Rock' Johnson, Ashley Judd, Stephen Merchant, Julie Andrews, Billy Crystal
BOB Rating – One BOB
Favorite Quote – "Does this tutu make my butt look big?" - Derek Thompson (Dwayne 'The Rock' Johnson)