We watch shitty movies, so you don't have to…
I couldn’t get past the accents. All the adult Vikings have Scottish accents, but Hiccup sounded plain, old American? Actually, ALL the Viking kids sounded American. DreamWorks, you puzzle me. Wait a goddamned minute…shouldn’t all the Vikings have Scandinavian accents? Maybe I’m pissy because of my Scandinavian ancestry, or maybe it’s just because I like […]
I felt so uncomfortable watching the beginning of this film with my kids…what if they knew that I feel like Shrek sometimes? As far as I know, my son is no junior psychotherapist…he didn’t pick up any tension as I squirmed in my seat, commiserating with Shrek’s plight. What parent doesn’t reminisce about how cool […]
Now that Jack Black is a daddy, he’s got to start churning out films that his kids can watch. Kung Fu Panda is certainly watchable. I wasn’t sure that Jack Black could translate his trademark vulgar humor into kid friendly fare, but he picked the right vehicle and the right character. I mean come one, […]
Jerry Seinfeld brings children a movie about “bee-stiality.” Oh, come on, it was funny! Don’t you appreciate puns? Bee Movie is one of the worst films that I have been subjected to (recently) through my children. It’s simply horrible and full of misinformation about simple ecological processes. Plants don’t just die when they are not […]
“Willy Wonka” might be about to lose his place as my son’s favorite movie. “Shrek Babies” was the overwhelming favorite over the holidays. My son was the fortunate recipient of all three Shrek movies, courtesy of Grandpa and Grandma. I tried to go the logical route and start him off watching Shrek, but he was […]
The Bruce Willis Raccoon tries to steal food from the Nick Nolte Bear, but gets caught in the act and the food gets destroyed. Nick Nolte Bear demands replacement in a week or he’ll eat Bruce Willis Raccoon. Bruce Willis Raccoon encounters a family of forest critters led by the Garry Shandling Turtle. Bruce Willis […]
How do a donkey and a dragon have sex? I’m having a hard time wrapping my brain around that one. Seriously, I cannot figure it out. On to less disturbing subjects…Shrek 2 picks up immediately after the end of Shrek with Shrek and Fiona’s honeymoon. (Okay, maybe implied Ogre-sex on the beach isn’t less disturbing.) […]
I should have seen this sooner. So I go to Lubbock for a couple days to visit Eringoddess, and we run out of things to do by day 3 – so we decide to go to the movies. We narrowed it down to either Boob Raider or Shrek, thankfully we chose Shrek. (Poor Erin had […]