Shrek 2

How do a donkey and a dragon have sex? I’m having a hard time wrapping my brain around that one. Seriously, I cannot figure it out.

On to less disturbing subjects…Shrek 2 picks up immediately after the end of Shrek with Shrek and Fiona’s honeymoon. (Okay, maybe implied Ogre-sex on the beach isn’t less disturbing.) Just as Shrek is kicking Donkey to the curb in order to get some more hot Ogre lovin’, the newlyweds receive an invite to visit Fiona’s parents, the King and Queen of Far, Far Away. Disappointed in his new Son-in-Law and blackmailed by the Fairy Godmother, the King puts a hit out on Shrek. Instead of being rubbed out, Shrek joins forces with his would-be assassin, Puss-in-Boots and stages an armed robbery of the Fairy Godmother’s factory. Shrek uses some of the Fairy Godmother’s stash and wakes up in a barn with 3 chicks. Shrek then has to make his way back to Fiona, who has been fooled by Prince Charming. Why does this sound more like an episode of The Sopranos than a children’s movie?

This is the first kid appropriate movie that I’ve gotten my son to halfway pay attention to – and that was only the singing parts. He really liked the Fairy Godmother’s numbers. I think I’ll introduce him to Absolutely Fabulous next time I have the chance.

It’s not as good as the first one, although my sister disagrees. Shrek and Fiona’s inevitable happy ending just didn’t pack as much of an emotional punch the second time around. How could they not end up together? I was hoping that the third Shrek movie would involve a baby Shrek, but it seems to revolve around some King Arthur nonsense involving Justin Timberlake. Kill me now. Doesn’t Cameron know that starring in a film with your boyfriend is the kiss of death? Just ask J.Lo.