Cooties

One bad chicken nugget, that’s all it takes. A post shared by Lara (@knobbygirl) on Feb 6, 2018 at 8:40am PST More than a silly horror/comedy, I feel that Cooties functions as an allegory of those “only eats chicken nuggets” kids. I fucking hate those kids. No, scratch that – I hate the parents of […]

Elephant

I don’t trust those people at Cannes, not one little bit. How did this get the Palme d’Or? I can understand the Best Director award – the direction of the film was masterful, with the kids in concentric circles of activity around the high school. But the top award of the whole festival? How did […]

The Little Girl Who Lives Down the Lane

I can think of few things worse than getting molestered by Martin Sheen. Apparently, Jodie Foster feels the same way, as she spends the entirety of the film trying to dodge his attentions. Jodie plays Rynn Jacobs, a 13 year old girl whose father is always in his study “working.” As people become curious about […]

Poison Ivy: The New Seduction

If I ran into Jaime Pressly in a dark alley, I would slowly back away until I felt it was safe to run. As soon as it was safe, I’d haul ass, move to another country and change my name. Jaime Pressly stars in the third Poison Ivy Movie as Violet, the sister of Drew […]

Poison Ivy

Remember when Drew Barrymore was skanky? Poison Ivy was the epicenter of Drew Barrymore’ skanky period. It opened up the door for gems like The Amy Fisher Story, Guncrazy and Doppelganger, not to mention a layout for Playboy. By the late 90s, romantic fare like The Wedding Singer and Ever After rehabilitated her image and […]

The People Under the Stairs

I figured out who THE PEOPLE UNDER THE STAIRS are. Remember all those second and third tier hair bands from the 80s? Most of them had an “-er” in the name – WingER, TrixtER, SlaughtER, CindERella, etc. When grunge hit the scene in 1991 (the very year this movie was released), hair bands went out […]

Beware: Children at Play

Imagine what would happen if I took some acid and started reading Beowulf. Then switched to the bible. Then switched to Children of the Corn. Then decided to try to write a screenplay. Chances are, the results would be really similar to Beware: Children at Play. A post shared by Lara (@knobbygirl) on Nov 21, […]

Jawbreaker

Despite what you’ve heard, JawBreaker is not a Heathers rip-off. These girls are not doing the world a favor by offing the biggest bitch in school – these bitches asphyxiate their school’s Princess Di. And look damn good doing it… I want to be Rose McGowan when I grow up – she gets the juiciest […]

The Butcher Boy

Sinead O’Connor as the Virgin Mary? Yep. The virgin Sinead appears to young Francie Brady when his life is getting a little tough and believe me, his life is pretty tough. Crazy mom and Alky dad send Francie over the edge. Soon, he is a homicidal maniac. It’s hard tell what sent him over the […]

Heathers

Poor Veronica (Winona Rider). Beautiful, rich and popular and she still hates her life. She gets to do Christian Slater and still is depressed. Probably because her friends are all assholes – and they’re all named ‘Heather’. Who hasn’t fantasized about blowing their high school sky high? I still do and I just finished college. […]