Poison Ivy

July 6, 2006

Remember when Drew Barrymore was skanky?

Poison Ivy was the epicenter of Drew Barrymore’ skanky period. It opened up the door for gems like The Amy Fisher Story, Guncrazy and Doppelganger, not to mention a layout for Playboy. By the late 90s, romantic fare like The Wedding Singer and Ever After rehabilitated her image and I doubt many even remember her teenage skank period. It’s sad, because her skankiness was truly glorious to behold.

Drew is awesome as the poisonous Ivy, who befriends a vaguely dykey loner, Sylvie – played by Sara Gilbert. Pretty soon, Ivy has moved into Sylvie’s house and is sucking up to her dying mother. She then sets her sights on Sylvie’s dad, played by Tom Skerritt. Now, if I was going to fuck one of my friends’ dads – and NO, I have never even considered it, because EW – I sure wouldn’t fuck him if he was Tom Skerritt. He’s just gross and creepy. I’m pretty sure he used a butt double for the sex scene at the end, because if it was really a man that age, his balls would have been bouncing around somewhere near his knees. A body double was used for Drew as well – disappointing. She didn’t have a problem stripping down for Playboy, so why not here?

The 90s were truly the golden age of teenage skanks. I still haven’t seen The Crush, in which Alicia Silverstone tries to seduce the totally fuckable Cary Elwes. Now that’s a seduction that makes sense. Rose McGowan outskanks Drew in The Devil in the Flesh and kills WAY more people. There’s also American Beauty, Wild Things and the remake of Lolita – the prototype of all teenage skanks.

Poison Ivy has spurred a couple of sequels, starring notable TV skanks Alyssa Milano (who also starred as Amy Fisher in a competing TV movie) and Jaime Pressly. My husband has warned me that Poison Ivy 2 is horrific to watch, but Alyssa Milano is naked most of time. I’m also a big fan of Jaime Pressly’s bitchery, so I might have to check them both out.