February 10, 2018

One bad chicken nugget, that’s all it takes.

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More than a silly horror/comedy, I feel that Cooties functions as an allegory of those “only eats chicken nuggets” kids. I fucking hate those kids. No, scratch that – I hate the parents of those kids. I get it, kids are picky. What kids wouldn’t prefer extruded, shaped chicken goo, deep fried and maybe even dino-shaped? And yes, I fed my kids nuggets all the time – when I was feeling lazy and didn’t feel like cooking real food. But if my husband or I took the time to make real food, they sure as fuck were gonna eat it. No to cooking separate meals, no to whining, just NO. I actually know several adults that STILL just order chicken nuggets/tenders every time they go out. I judge them silently. That being said, one of my favorite breakfasts is a recipe I invented called ‘white trash chicken & waffles – it’s dino nuggets and frozen waffles, showered in syrup. It’s AMAZING.

Back to the movie, it’s so weird. It was a joy to see Rainn Wilson as a meathead, a perfect foil to the nerdy sub played by Elijah Wood. I almost busted a titty stitch when he called him a ‘little hobbit’. I was prepared to hate Alison Pill, because of how much I hated her in AHS: Cult, but she was like an adorable, store-brand Kristen Bell. The rest of the teachers were rounded out by Nasim Pedrad, Jack McBrayer (what’s his deal, anyway?), and Leigh Wannell (that Saw guy. He actually played my favorite character – the weirdo science teacher.

Trying to think of what else I could say that wouldn’t ruin it…nope, just watch it. Oh! Jorge Garcia tripping balls the whole movie – cannot miss.

This movie is straight-up insane. Highly recommend.

Year – 2014
Rating – R
Runtime – 88 minutes
Genre – Comedy/Horror
Director(s) – Jonathan Milott, Cary Murnion
Writer(s) – Leigh Whannell, Ian Brennan, Josh C. Waller
Actor(s) – Elijah Wood, Rainn Wilson, Alison Pill, Jack McBrayer, Leigh Whannell
BOB Rating – Three BOBs
Favorite Quote – "Oh, you'll sneak around, huh? Sneak around like a little Hobbit. No way! I'm taking the fight to them like a fuckin' Orc!" - Wade (Rainn Wilson)