October 14, 2004

If it weren’t for Super Troopers – then I wouldn’t be forced to start every single paragraph of this review with “If it weren’t for Super Troopers…”

If it weren’t for Super Troopers – Club Dread might have had a chance to actually stand on its own as a funny film. It certainly had funny moments – even a few hilarious ones…but it just didn’t live up to the high standards of Super Troopers. Maybe the strict precept of parodying horror movies got in the way of the aimless pitstops that made Super Troopers so fucking amazing? Or maybe it was just the fact that I wasn’t high…the world may never know.

If it weren’t for Super Troopers – maybe I would have believed that Lars was some kind of Orgasmic Wonder Masseuse – but I just couldn’t stop seeing him as Farva. Farva cannot give *anyone* an orgasm with the touch of his finger, much less a hot Aerobics Instructor. I guess that’s the problem I had with all the characters – I couldn’t put aside their Super Troopers characters long enough to give them a chance to become their new Club Dread characters. I suppose “Juan the Goat Fucker” came the closest, but the rest of the characters weren’t as well characterized. And Putman was just downright STUPID. That accent drove me crazy – I wish he would have gotten killed off a lot sooner.

If it weren’t for Super Troopers – I wouldn’t be quite so disappointed in the soundtrack to Club Dread. (I have been unable to find a copy of the Super Troopers soundtrack to listen to, but since it’s mostly Southern Culture on the Skids, it’s got to kick ass.) Island music is fine and all – but I just want the Coconut Pete Songs. The Coconut Pete songs were hands down the best part of the film – especially Pina Coladaburg, written a full seven years before Margaritaville!

If it weren’t for Super Troopers – I probably wouldn’t even CONSIDER going to see the new Dukes of Hazzard movie…but it’s gonna be directed by Jay Chandrasekhar – so there’s a good chance it will be funny. I’m definitely not going to let the mediocrity of Club Dread drive me away from his other films…I’ll give him a few more chances…


Year – 2004
Rating – R
Runtime – 104 minutes
Genre – Horror Spoof
Director(s) – Jay Chandrasekhar
Writer(s) – Jay Chandrasekhar, Kevin Heffernan
Actor(s) – Kevin Heffernan, Brittany Daniels, Jay Chandrasekhar, Jordan Ladd, Bill Paxton
BOB Rating – Two BOBs
Favorite Quote – "Ok. Juan Castillo... went to jail... for having sex with a goat. Ok? It that what you wanted to hear? We lived on a farm! And I got lonely! We were just a couple of crazy kids!" - Juan (Steve Lemme)