The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey

January 1, 2013

I’m torn by this movie. Don’t get me wrong, I liked it…but I don’t know that it absolutely HAD to be made.

Let me be clear, I don’t remember much shit from reading The Hobbit. I remember Gollum and I remember big fucking spiders. I do remember that half the dwarves die, so I am not looking forward to how upset my son will be when we take him to see the next film. At first, I was puzzled by all the musical numbers. Then I remembered one thing about reading The Hobbit…I remembered pages and pages of poems and songs that I skipped because I thought they were dumb and boring. Heh. Even in 3D, the songs were still dumb and boring.

Most of the reviews and articles I read about The Hobbit were negative, which was surprising to me. Then I realized that most of the articles were likely written by movie critics…a person who is paid the same amount to review The Hobbit as to review silly twatter like Twilight movies and Oscar contenders like Argo and Zero Dark Thirty might not have a neat box in their head to fit The Hobbit into. It’s not likely to win as many Oscars as Return of the King, but it’s not silly shit like Twilight, either. I cannot even figure out how to categorize it. Is it fantasy? Sure, but it’s also a book adaptation and an adventure story and a film by one of my favorite directors and also a remake of something from my childhood. Is it for kids or adults? It’s PG-13, but I didn’t think twice about bringing my 7 year old. It’s got eye popping special effects, but also odd musical numbers. So I can’t knock that some critics would be annoyed that they have to sit through The Hobbit, a mere decade after sitting through the long, long, long Lord of the Rings trilogy. It’s also possible that seeing every 3D movie that comes out takes away the newness of the technology. The Hobbit is only the second 3D movie I’ve gotten to see. My 7 year old has seen more 3D movies than I have. Maybe I’m not yet jaded by the fact that EVERY film that comes out now is available in 3D?

So ultimately, I enjoyed the film, although a few moments had me annoyed. The one reservation I have is whether there is really enough story to make into 3 films. (Note that I said “story”, not special effects. I have no doubt there are enough special effects for a dozen more movies.) My son absolutely loved it, so I had him write a review for it. He was super pissed that he is going to have to wait a whole ‘nother year to see the next one.

Martin Freeman was made to be a hobbit. He looked so much like the cartoon version of The Hobbit, it was disturbing. After playing Arthur Dent, he has cemented his status as a nerd icon. Even so, I still have a hard time seeing him as anyone other than Tim Canterbury.

Is it creepy that I found Thorin Oakenshield sexy? I’m thinking it’s because he looked a little like Rob Zombie. That’s the only explanation I could come up with, because his character was kind of a dick. The rest of the dwarves were not sexy…not even a little bit.

Back in 2003, I predicted that The Hobbit would come out in 2009. That was a long shot timeframe…and I was still off by three years. Should I throw out a date for The Simarillion? 2020?


Year – 2012
Rating – PG-13
Runtime – 169 minutes
Genre – Fantasy
Director(s) – Peter Jackson
Writer(s) – J.R.R. Tolkien, Fran Walsh, Philippa Boyens, Peter Jackson, Guillermo del Toro
Actor(s) – Ian McKellen, Martin Freeman, Richard Armitage, Ken Stott, Graham McTavish
BOB Rating – Three BOBs
Favorite Quote – "If Baggins loses, we eats it whole!" - Gollum (Andy Serkis)