We watch shitty movies, so you don't have to…
In case you’re wondering, there’s no 4 Headed Shark Attack movie – the franchise skips straight from 3 Headed Shark Attack to 5 Headed Shark Attack. This kind of makes sense…because for the first half of the movie, the shark only has 4 heads…but for no discernable reason, the shark sprouts a 5th head out […]
After destroying every landmark in America over the last four movies, the 5th Sharknado movie goes global, with the latest Sharknado erupting out of a cave beneath Stonehenge. There’s not much to the plot. The Sharknado came back and now it can teleport you to anywhere on the planet. Yup, it can pick you up […]
That Tara Reid, she sure does have bad luck with sharks. Tara Reid isn’t the only C-list celeb on board. The REAL star is Thomas Ian Nicholas, coincidentally Tara Reid’s boyfriend in American Pie. He’s the asskicking trailer park dude, who fixes everything with duct tape. Also, we’ve got Mr. Belding (the principal from Saved […]
Two Londons for the price of one! Jason London (Dazed and Confused) stars as “himself” – a fictionalized version of the actor, who stars in the “Shark Bites” movie franchise. He must have a pretty good sense of humor, because he plays “himself” as an utter douchebag. I couldn’t help but wonder if this was […]
Why did Sharknado 4 have to open with a Star Wars-esque opening crawl? Was it because they gave Tara Reid a Light Saber hand? First there was a shark sandnado in Vegas, then a shark bouldernado in the Grand Canyon, followed by a shark oilnado/firenado in Texas. A shark lightningnado heads toward Kansas. Cue Wizard […]
That’s not a typo folks…those damn sharks are building dams…out of damn human bodies. I don’t even understand…how did sharks get into the river? How do they survive is freshwater – don’t sharks live in the ocean? Why are they building a dam out of corpses? I should know by now…the answers do not matter. […]
If two heads are better than one, are three heads better than two? So…the 3 Headed Shark is angered by ocean pollution, but it eats the sea garbage, which drives it insane and it starts attacking. This movie makes no fucking sense. It is also somehow a sequel to 2 Headed Shark Attack, but HOW??? […]
You know, if Mark Cuban ran for president, I’d probably vote for him. Sure, he’s as big a dick as Trump, but he hasn’t filed for bankruptcy half a dozen times. That being said, I’d probably vote for David Hasselhoff before any of the assholes we have running right now. In the first movie, Sharknado […]
First the Mega Shark fought a Giant Octopus. Then there was the Crocosaurus. Next, the Mecha Shark. And now…Kolossus. Kolossus is Cold War era robot weapon, powered by red mercury. Why does Kolossus look like it’s made out of meat? It’s like when you lift the flap on the back of the box of bacon […]
Alien vs. Predator. Freddy vs. Jason. Batman v Superman. Hollywood loves franchise mash-ups, although not quite as much as the SyFy channel – Mega Python vs. Gatoroid, for example. And now SyFy brings us Lake Placid vs. Anaconda. Yancy Butler is back from so-called Final Chapter – I knew they were full of shit. Now […]