August 27, 2000

Life is like a crab cake?

Last night, I crept to the UA Cine all by myself to see John Water’s latest film. It was a week later than I would have liked to see it…but that’s another story entirely. I am glad that I was alone – I wouldn’t have wanted to explain what the hell I was laughing at. Most of the time, I was the only one in the theater laughing. The other ten or so people in the theater were mostly silent. There were two gay men to the left of me – I think there were there ONLY because they were gay, because stereotypically, gay men like John Waters. They were there only to give me a stereotype to mention. Then there were a bunch of alterna-teens to the right of me, I’m pretty sure they didn’t know who Otto Preminger was and why it was funny that Cecil had his name tattooed on his arm. (All the Sprocketholes had a director tattooed on them.) Then there was an old couple in the front. They stayed all the way through the credits, almost as if they had had strokes and were unable to leave. Come to mention it, they were still sitting there as I left…

I felt like I was going back in time as I watched Cecil directing his followers – it was like the Dreamlanders were back. Honey’s platinum locks and black rimmed eyes reminded me so much of Mary Vivian Pearce. Lyle’s perversity and drug use recalled David Lochary, though he didn’t have quite the sexual energy that David did. Petie was Crackers from Pink Flamingos almost, and I could swear that the Lesbo sprocketholes were natives of Mortville. Cherish (Alicia Witt, who started out on Twin Peaks as Emily Hayward) reminded me of Mink Stole – just wanting to fuck. Of course, the REAL Mink was there, but it’s too bad that the old Dreamlanders have been relegated to bit parts and Cameos – I would love for Waters to have Mink as the star again…

It was nice to have the trademark Waters violence back. It had been gone so long that I was actually surprised when people actually started dying. He has never had any qualms about killing off main characters…which makes it uncomfortable for the viewer that identifies with them. Sadly, I identified a lot with Cherish. All she wanted was to get laid…but when she finally did…I’ll let you see it for yourself. (And NO! I do not identify with her because of the gerbil scene. Jesus.)

I have never seen Patch Adams…and there is no way in hell that I would sit through a director’s cut. I am ashamed to say I did see Forrest Gump, but I puked all night afterwards. (Okay, I admit that it was food poisoning from CiCi’s Pizza, but I did puke all night, nonetheless.) It was fun catching the little horrible sequels posted on marquees throughout though – do we really need Scream 4?

I don’t care for Melanie Griffith at all – I am still bitter about the Antonio Banderas thing – but she was decent, I guess. Waters should have gotten someone like Sean Young though – someone who really is scary in real life.

There was quote by Lyle that I think I understand – “Before drugs, I had all these problems, but now that I’ve found drugs, I only have one. Drugs have given me a focus.” I think that’s why most people do drugs. Heh.


Year – 2000
Rating – R
Runtime – 87 minutes
Genre – John Waters
Director(s) – John Waters
Writer(s) – John Waters
Actor(s) – Stephen Dorff, Melanie Griffith, Alicia Witt, Jack Noseworthy, Maggie Gyllenhaal
BOB Rating – Four BOBs
Favorite Quote – "Tell me about Mel Gibson's dick and balls!" - Petie (Michael Shannon)