So I finally saw Elf…and I hate to say it, but I was very disappointed. It wasn’t nearly as good as I thought it would be.

It’s not like I’m trying to compare Elf to the raunchier Holiday films like Bad Santa or The Hebrew Hammer. It’s not that I’m against family films – there are plenty of Christmas-y family films that I love – Scrooged, A Christmas Story. A PG rating isn’t an automatic downer for me. And it can’t be Will Ferrell’s fault – he’s funny as Elf, so maybe it was the plot? Something about Elf just fell flat for me.

Who the fuck is Zooey Deschanel? Where did she come from? Wasn’t she the “It Girl” a few years ago? What has she been in? I don’t think I’ve seen her in anything else, which is probably a good thing – she’s creepy looking.

At least there was a midget. Or was that a dwarf? Whatever – that little dude made the movie for me. I can’t help it – I have a midget fetish.

Now that I think about it – it was probably the schmaltz factor that did me in. The entire movie was just too precious. It was like those fuckin’ baby torturing Anne Geddes “Art” prints. It was sleeping puppies and kittens playing with string. God, I’m going to make a shitty mother, aren’t I?