December 9, 2003

The Hebrew Hammer has possibly replaced A Christmas Story as my all-time favorite Christmas movie.

The Hebrew Hammer is a far cry from being just another spoof film. This is not another I’m Gonna Git You Sucka. The Hebrew Hammer functions as more of a tribute than a spoof, filling a void left between Austin Powers and Undercover Brother, although I seriously doubt that there is enough gas left in the subject matter to warrant more films in the franchise.

Adam Goldberg, not to be confused with Jonathan Silverman of Weekend at Bernie’s fame, stars as Mordechai Jefferson Carver, The Hebrew Hammer. The Hammer is a Certified Circumcised Dick – that’s detective to you gentiles. As the first Jewish Superhero, he is the defender of all that’s kosher. When Santa is murdered by his evil son Damien (Andy Dick, how I loathe you), The Hammer must prevent Hanukkah from being destroyed.

As much as I DO hate Andy Dick, he did a bang up job as Damien. Dick is as his best when playing a total dick, pardon the pun. Not only does he have his father, the current Santa, killed, he is a racist, misogynist pig. Strangely enough, he is also having an affair with Tiny Tim. Yes, THAT Tiny Tim.

The most intense scenes are the ones with The Hammer’s mother, played with every stereotype in mind by Nora Dunn. The yelling, the screaming and the guilt are amazingly realistic. I could have done without the cat in the diaper, though. Fucking nasty.

What is it with Comedy Central and midgets? First The Man Show and Insomniac, then Knee High PI, now The Hebrew Hammer has a midget cornucopia in Santa’s Workshop. Well, it IS a Christmas movie. Christmas movies keep midget actors in demand.

Year – 2003
Rating – R
Runtime – 85 minutes
Genre – Holiday Movie
Director(s) – Jonathan Kesselman
Writer(s) – Jonathan Kesselman
Actor(s) – Adam Goldberg, Andy Dick, Judy Greer, Tony Cox, Mario Van Peebles
BOB Rating – Four BOBs
Favorite Quote – "Shabbot Shalom, Motherfucker!" - Mordechai Jefferson Carver (Adam Goldberg)