Flying Monkeys

March 15, 2013

Oz the Great and Powerful opened last week, but we weren’t able to fit it into our schedule…so we watched the next best thing – Flying Monkeys, courtesy of the SyFy Channel.

The plot follows the tried and true SyFy formula…mysterious beasties invade a town, kill half the population, but then are killed in a blaze of CGI glory by a scrappy teen. The teen in question is recent high school graduate Joan, whose hapless father gave her a monkey for a graduation gift. Let me pause for a moment to say that a monkey…even a cute little capuchin monkey…is the WORST fucking graduation present ever. The BEST fucking graduation present ever is a capuchin monkey that turns into a flying demon at night and kills your boyfriend while he’s boning the valedictorian. Oh, how I wish I got a vengeful flying demon monkey as a graduation present…not to name names, but there would have been more than a few dead motherfuckers back in 1994…

The flying demon monkey started to get a little creepy when it broke into Joan’s best friend’s house and watched her take a shower. It was definitely getting kind of rapey. What kind of flying demon monkey kills your cheating boyfriend, but then peeps on your best friend? Men are all the same…

Although the plot is not at all Oz related, there are a few nods throughout the movie. The flying monkey invasion is set in Gale, Kansas. Joan drives a red car, possibly Ruby red? The strangest nod, however, was not to Oz, but to Dazed and Confused. After a car of rowdy teenage girls drives by, the old gas station owner quotes the immortal Wooderson…”High school girls. I keep getting older, but they stay the same age.” Yes, this creepy motherfucker got eaten by flying demon monkeys, along with the rest of the town.

My husband was disappointed that the flying demon monkeys did not fling poo…and that is why I love him.