Get Him to the Greek

June 30, 2012

Why does Russell Brand have a career again?

Seriously, I don’t get it – he’s not all that funny. And when he is funny, it’s so far over the line, that he’s guilted into apologizing for it later. (His Jonas Brothers jokes, for example…) He should take a page from Ricky Gervais and Sacha Baron Cohen and not apologize for shit.

I was worried that I hadn’t seen Forgetting Sarah Marshall yet, but it didn’t really matter. Maybe I’ll change my mind, if I ever watch it. You’d think that the promise of male full frontal would do it for me, but none of the reviews of Jason Segel’s penis were positive. Speaking of penises, I’m glad that Russell Brand didn’t reveal his. He’s so gross, in my mind’s eye, I’m picturing it as resembling Gonzo’s nose – purple and misshapen. I need eye bleach.

As annoying as Russell Brand is, I found myself laughing all the way through this movie…although that could have been because I was watching it with my best friend. We could be watching paint dry and it would be hilarious. My daughter was almost scarred for life while we were watching it though…she was running around the house, coloring and playing, not at all paying attention to the movie. But wouldn’t you know it, the exact moment she chooses to climb into my lap and cuddle was during the scene where someone is waving around a giant fucking dildo! I did what any good mother would do…I turned her around in my lap, cupped her cheeks while simultaneously covering her ears and started kissing her all over the face. She was so confused by this unsolicited display of affection that she ran out of the room. I deserve an award.

The funniest scenes were the ones involving The Jeffrey and the furry wall. I’m pretty sure I had a Jeffrey (not on purpose) back in college. I almost passed out in an Albertson’s, trying to buy a pack of gum. For some reason, most of my craziest college adventures involved a trip to Albertson’s – like the time we decided to randomly give “employee of the month” awards to the night stockers.

So I’ve watched Get Him to the Greek and Grandma’s Boy – I think that Amy still wants me to watch White Chicks, Bad Teacher and Easy A…but I draw the line at Valentine’s Day.