Green Porno

October 11, 2008

“Why would she do something like that?”

That’s what my husband asked me after I forced him to watch Green Porno. My response was “Why wouldn’t she?” If someone asked me to dress up in spandex, wear a bug mask and hump a cardboard cut-out of a bumblebee, I would be all like, “Where do I sign up?”

Isabella Rossellini wears spandex and various bug masks as she acts out the mating habits of fireflies, bumblebees and earthworms, among other creatures. It’s all very Sesame Street, with special effects that entirely consist of construction paper, jello and fishing line. I’d hesitate to let my son watch it for a few more years. I don’t think he would take the male bumblebee’s penis breaking off inside of the female too well, although he would love the snail pooping on her own head. As a matter of fact, the snail sequence is my very favorite – do snails really have nipples?

I am going to go find a stoned person and make them watch Green Porno. It will totally fucking blow their mind.