I Know What You Did Last Summer

April 1, 2006

So…the obvious question – Scream vs. I Know What You Did Last Summer.

Again, I’m coming to the party late. Having seen Scream shortly after it was released on video, I have an automatic bias towards Scream. Scream netted 2 sequels, while I Know What You Did Last Summer netted only one – and it starred Brandy. Huh?. Scream definitely has the better franchise.

As for the matching ‘Party of Five’ heroines, although Neve Campbell is a better actress – what has she been in lately? Isn’t she a ballerina now, or something? Wait – Neve wins hand down – solely because she’s not in the execrable ‘The Ghost Whisperer.’ Plus, Neve doesn’t put out until the end of the movie, while Jennifer Love Hewitt gives it up within the first ten minutes – SLUT! Both movies have lackluster boyfriend characters – in a no-holds-barred kickboxing match, who would win – Skeet Ulrich (the poor man’s Johnny Depp) or Freddie Prinze, Jr. (total pussy, but again, he’s got his own TV show right now)? I’m thinking they’d both lose. Same goes for a Matthew Lillard vs. Ryan Phillippe Bare-Knuckle-Boxing Deathmatch. Scream has one star that’s got a current TV show going – Rose McGowan – but since Charmed is shitty and canceled, it doesn’t really count. Sarah Michelle Gellar is a draw, since she defected to star in Scream 2. And Anne Heche? Ew. So it’s a 50/50 split for cast.

Scream is also far gorier than I Know What You Did, although I was impressed when the Darlene’s boyfriend got it in the face with a giant hook. But it’s still not as impressive as killing someone with a cat door. Scream also has a real twist ending, whereas I Know What You Did’s supposed twist isn’t a twist at all – it’s bleeding obvious from the get go!

I Know What You Did Last Summer gets bonus points for opening with Type O Negative’s cover of ‘Summer Breeze.’ All Scream brings to the table is a stale cover of ‘Don’t Fear the Reaper’ by Gus…a band I have never heard of. I Know What You Did also gets points for having Southern Culture on the Skids performing live at the Crab Festival. As a whole, I Know What You Did Last Summer has a better soundtrack than Scream, not counting ‘Red Right Hand’ by Nick Cave and the Bad Seeds.

Ultimately, it comes down to one thing – WES FUCKING CRAVEN!. End of story – Scream wins.