Invasion of the Bee Girls

March 16, 2004

B stands for Bronco, Benz, BMW, Bass, Bangles and a pair of Bars, when you see us comin’ up down the ave, you’ll act like we are stars…It’s Invasion of the Bee Girls – not B-Girls! (Am I the only one who remembers that song?)

It seems that all the men in town are dying with their pants around their ankles. What could possibly be causing all these deaths? Is it heart disease? Is it something in the water? Is it an angry homosexual? Or is it something more insidious? A woman scorned, perhaps? Or just your run of the mill, woman/insect mutation?

Playmate of the Year 1968, Victoria Vetri, stars as the sexy librarian who must solve the mystery of the murdered, molested men. Of course, she’s also a suspect – the first guy who died…well, he died after boning her. Maybe it was a coincidence…but maybe she’s a Bee Girl. Doesn’t matter to the detective (The Marlboro Man!) on the case – he tries to get into her pants anyway.

Two scenes stood out and made the film worth watching. The first was when the detective busted into a slain professor’s gay S&M hidey hole. The camera panned around the room – his love shack was so stereotypical that it bordered on offensive – it was a cross between Austin Powers’ swinging bachelor pad and Liberace’s bedroom. There were whips and chains everywhere, a miniature Statue of David and tropical fish…so of course, he must have been a flaming homo. His lover was also crouching in the corner, which begs the question – does he live there? Keep in mind, this hidey hole was behind a hidden door in the Professor’s office – I wonder if all College Professors had this type of set up? That sure would explain a lot…

The other scene that made this movie for me was the scene in which the evil “Queen Bee” creates a Bee Girl. Basically, she kidnapped a housewife and brought her to the Hive – or laboratory…whatever. “Queen Bee” and her Bee Girls stripped the poor woman naked and then groped all over her body. Lesbians were REALLY popular in the 70s, given they were either Vampires, possessed or not human in some way. They then covered her entire body in whipped cream (Was it supposed to be Royal Jelly???). They locked her in a radiation chamber and zapped her. Voila! She’s a Bee Girl. Unfortunately, Bee Girls look just like normal girls, except for their black contact lenses. What a letdown!

This is your stereotypical cheesy 70s flick – lots of campy dialogue, nonsensical “science” jargon and saline-free nudity. Not a total waste of time.