November 13, 2004

This movie was retarded and boring. And Pretentious – don’t forget pretentious.

In the past, I’d claimed that David Lynch had never led me astray. I’ll never be making *that* statement again. As Executive Producer (and cameo star) of this movie, you’d think that he would have known better…but nope, I was forced to sit through this whole movie on the premise that David Lynch wouldn’t fuck me over. And I had to watch it alone, since my husband left the room about 20 minutes in – it was the menstrual blood.

Menstrual blood? Well, the movie is about a lesbian vampire, specifically Dracula’s daughter. Menstrual blood has to come into play eventually, right? But instead of any kind of vampire action, all we get are long pretentious monologues with gems like “the only pain I feel is that of fleeting joy” and other nonsense. The only monologue that I did like is when Nadja explains that the reason she hated her father is because he forced her to eat bread with too much butter and how she tried to scrape the butter off with a hairbrush. How much butter is too much butter, exactly?

The single most irritating thing about Nadja was the “Pixel Vision.” The IFC trivia at the beginning of the film bragged about parts of the movie being shot in “Pixel Vision” – which was a $45 Fisher Price camera. Sounds avant garde and cutting edge, huh? Nope – it’s just irritating. Anytime something exciting is about to happen, like a death scene, sex scene or likely both – the damn movie becomes all pixilated so you can’t see shit. It’s fucking retarded.

The only thing that I did enjoy was the now dated 1994 soundtrack. Portishead, My Bloody Valentine, Spacehog…all bands that have mostly disappeared off the radar these days, meant a lot in 1994, but mean surprisingly little in 2004. It’s almost like a “sell by” date…

I feel really bad about trashing this film. I’m one of those people that is supposed to appreciate Indie Films, aren’t I? But I’ve got to call a spade a spade this time – this movie is complete crap.

Year – 1994
Rating – R
Runtime – 93 minutes
Genre – Vampire Indie
Director(s) – Michael Almereyda
Writer(s) – Michael Almereyda
Actor(s) – Elina Löwensohn, Peter Fonda, Martin Donovan, Galaxy Craze, Suzy Amis
BOB Rating – One BOB
Favorite Quote – "Blood is like chewing gum to these creatures!" - Van Helsing (Peter Fonda)